If there’s one thing Labor always does better than the Liberals, it’s party conferences. Even in Government, Liberal snoozefests attract barely a handful of press gallery journalists, but last weekend the entire gallery seemingly decamped from Canberra to Melbourne’s Convention Centre.

Other than for the Left, there was something for everyone. For Bill Shorten, a stage-managed assertion of his leadership. For greenies, a 50 per cent renewable energy target and a ‘not-a-tax, Joel’ ETS. For gays and latte-sippers, a convoluted commitment to legislate same-sex marriage by 2019: if Labor MPs don’t use their consciences as the party majority thinks fit they’ll be forced to support it. For disaffected Liberal voters, a border protection policy with boat turnbacks. For women, a commitment to half the party organisation’s positions being open to them by 2025. And for unions, internal challenges to their preselection influence came to nought, keeping the Senate a retirement home for union hacks.

Mr Shorten portrayed Melbourne as a triumph both for himself and his party. That he depended on tortuous factional compromises to prevail was something that didn’t bother him. Nor, bar boat turnbacks, were the heat-generating issues getting most media attention – especially gay marriage and recognising (sort of) a Palestinian state – much relevant to middle Australia, safeguarding jobs or reducing government’s tax-and-spend burden on Australians.

Mr Shorten may spruik otherwise, but last weekend showcased an entrenched opposition talking about itself and its obsessions, not a government in waiting. Politically, Mr Shorten indeed asserted his leadership, but calculatedly damaged his ambitious deputy Tanya Plibersek in the process.

Crowd favourite Anthony Albanese also had his wings clipped but, unlike his Left shadow cabinet colleagues Ms Plibersek and Penny Wong, at least ‘Albo’ had the decency to not use a proxy to oppose boat turnbacks.

Mr Shorten especially played up the conference’s showing how the ALP is a progressive, happy-clappy kind of broad church. Indeed, with the exception of those crusty old cynics of the Australian, that’s pretty much how most press gallery journalists reported it.

So how does Bill-the-Brave explain the disgraceful episode in which Paddy Crumlin of the militant Maritime Union of Australia successfully, and without dissent, moved that the ALP Conference ‘condemns Martin Ferguson, whose self-serving public commentary is not in the interest of the party, party members or the labour movement’?

‘Mar’n’, a distinguished servant of both the ALP and the union movement in parliament and as ACTU president, copped unopposed vitriol from Mr Crumlin and other speakers for the crime of publicly speaking his mind on politically-suicidal policy, especially Labor’s diehard opposition to partial electricity privatisation in the recent NSW election. Free of caucus constraints, widely-respected Mr Ferguson has become a prophet without honour in his own Labor country, savaged by militant unionists of the troglodyte Left, and disgracefully condemned by his party for putting Australia’s best interests first.

When Mr Ferguson was roundly denounced by Mr Crumlin and co. in the manner of a Stalinist show trial, Mr ‘I welcome debate’ Shorten was shamefully and unforgivably silent. His MPs equally mislaid their tongues and their honour when it counted. Is this the tolerant and open party Labor prefers us to see? From the way union thugs were so shabbily allowed to abuse and denigrate one of Labor’s finest sons, merely because he speaks sense, clearly it isn’t.

It’s the same old Labor.

Thawley Prize returns

It is with great delight that we announce the second annual Spectator Australia Thawley Essay prize. As per last year, the winner will receive $5,000, publication in this magazine, and a slap-up meal with the three esteemed judges; Michael Thawley, former PM John Howard and Rowan Dean (well, OK, two esteemed judges plus the editor of this magazine).

All that is required is a sharp pen and an even sharper mind, with the requirement being an essay of between 1000 and 2000 words that displays all the Speccie characteristics of being thought-provoking, insightful and engaging on a topic of your choosing. All that we ask is that your essay illuminates our readers to an event, person(s), or idea that is relevant to the shaping of modern Australia.

Please log onto new.spectator.co.uk/thawleyprize for entry details and specifications. And good luck!