So, lefties. It happened. In the biggest “f-ck you” to the establishment since the Colonies broke away from the Crown, Donald Trump has been voted President of the United States. None of you can quite believe the man the media ruthlessly slandered for two years has ascended to power. By your standards, the world has gone mad. In some terrible twist of fate, the narrative has gone wrong. And given the anti-Trump mainstream zeitgeist you’ve been fed, you just can’t fathom where or why.

But here’s the thing, snowflakes. If you paid any attention to what goes on outside your Facebook News Feed, you’d have realised this result is the furthest thing from surprising. So when you’re done slut-shaming Melania Trump, and mocking her accent (by the way, she speaks five languages), I’m more than happy to explain it to you. In great and glorious detail.

First things first: the media has unashamedly lied to you. All the polls were either wrong or rigged. The coverage was blatantly skewed, prompting some right-wing commentators to nickname CNN the “Clinton News Network”. Why? Because the mainstream media is almost entirely controlled by the leftist establishment. You can ‘Rupert Murdoch’ me all you want, but the anti-Trump, pro-leftist agenda was crushingly obvious. However, this agenda failed. And the reason it failed is because of one simple yet crucial truth-bomb your leftie eyes have simply refused to see:

Most people don’t agree with you. 

In fact, most people have never agreed with you. Not just in the USA, but globally. This leftist narrative of globalism, multiculturalism, and social justice does not ring true in the real world. Why? Because the first priority of the vast majority of people is making a buck. That doesn’t mean they’re not interested in those other things; it just means they’re more interested in feeding their families. The only people who can actually afford to buy into your social justice narrative are the (to use your favourite word) privileged leftist elites.

As such, Donald Trump’s promise of a domestic rather than globalist agenda is hugely appealing to everyday Americans. They’re prepared to overlook Trump’s personal flaws because they feel betrayed by the liberal establishment. And although they have remained silent in the mainstream arena, they’ve spoken where their voices ring the loudest, the polling booths. Okay, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote, but who cares? It was by the tiny margin of 0.4 percent. If a few more disaffected Republican voters hadn’t slept through their alarms, Trump would have won that too.

“But, no!” you’ll cry, wildly flapping your hands in protest. “Trump supporters are all racist! Sexist! Homophobic! Ignorant! White supremacist!” Yeah, they’ve heard it all before. However, if you look at the facts, it’s obvious to anyone with an adult functioning brain that not all Trump supporters are bigots.

Of the seven hundred counties who voted for Obama twice, one-third of them went red this election. The states of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, former Democratic strongholds, voted Republican for the first time since the 1980s. The white people in those counties and states didn’t just suddenly become racist, after voting in America’s first black president. They simply changed their minds or didn’t show up to vote, not because they’re bigots, but because the Democrats have failed them.

As for the narrative, this result is a ‘white-lash’ against racial minorities; total rubbish. More white people voted for Mitt Romney when he was the Republican candidate in 2012 than did for Trump in 2016. Mind-blowingly, Trump also received more votes from Blacks and Hispanics than Romney did. In other words, Donald Trump, the man you’ve smeared as the worst kind of racist, received the extra minority votes Hillary Clinton needed in order to win the election. Cruel, ain’t it?

Regardless of this myth-busting, I won’t deny there are some nasty swampland bigots on the Trump Train. But that’s largely because of the liberal media, helped along by your leftie-squawking on Facebook. You’ve taken Trump’s stringent but understandable methods of controlling illegal immigration, blown them up, and turned him into the new father of white supremacy. However, many of these nasty-swamp-bigots generally don’t make it out of the marshes to vote. And since you were the ones who created this hyperbolic ‘white pride’ narrative, that following is actually your fault. Not Trump’s.

However, your most cherished narrative is that Hillary lost because she’s a woman. Guess what? Wrong again. In 2003, a Gallup poll showed eighty-seven percent of Americans were happy to vote for a woman president, and the normalisation of women in power has come in leaps and bounds since then. The reason people didn’t want to vote for Hillary wasn’t because she was a woman. They just didn’t want to vote for this particular woman. There are plenty of other reasons not to vote for her; most notably the fact she represents the corrupt liberal establishment that has razed America to the ground over the last eight years. Lord Voldemort would have been a better candidate.

However, those aren’t the only reasons Republicans clinched the win. I hate to break it to you, lefties, but Trump supporters voted accordingly because they’ve had it with your blunt intolerance of differing opinions. Rather than engaging with your opponent, you have a nasty habit of defaulting to buzzwords like “racist”, “sexist”, “ignorant”, and “bigot”, instead of reasoned debate. That’s called “bullying”, and the right is royally sick of it. The election of Donald Trump is a direct retaliation to these oppressive tactics by the regressive left. You’ve been shovelling coal into the Trump Train this whole time. And that’s why conservatives the world over are trying (and failing) not to gloat.

Look, I know this is a lot to take in. But facts don’t care about your feelings. You’re losing. People are rejecting your doctrine of identity politics, political correctness, and intellectual suppression. Freedom of speech, personal autonomy, and intellectual diversity are making quite the comeback. And no amount of trigger warnings or safe spaces is going to stop that. Face it, snowflakes. The Trump Train is leaving the station. So you’d best knuckle down, and buckle up because it’s waiting for no one.