Old Glaswegian joke:

‘Put your hat and coat on, lassie, I’m off to the pub.’
‘That’s nice — are you taking me with you?’
‘No, I’m just switching the central heating off while I’m oot.’

Late last year we bought a little holiday flat on the Kent coast. After I had furnished it with all the essentials — fibre-optic broadband, a large television, a Nespresso machine and a couple of random chairs — I looked for an excuse to buy some new gadgetry which I hadn’t tried before.