I’ve been floating the idea of hoaxing The Guardian for years now. The plan was to pose as some emotionally wrecked beta male shivering and sobbing over some minuscule thought-crime. My persona would confess to having briefly – but only briefly! – entertained some elicit notion: that women don’t make less than men because of ‘the patriarchy’, that the #BlackLivesMatter’s open season on cops isn’t improving race relations in the United States, etc.