Flat White

A bitter pils to swallow

8 March 2017

1:01 PM

8 March 2017

1:01 PM

The Courier Mail reported Monday “One Nation Senator Pauline Hanson is set to embark on another venture, putting her name to a line of craft beer.” Since then the following correspondence has come our way…

Dear Senator  Hanson

Thank you for your brief to suggest a name for your proposed beer.

Here at All Froth and Bubble advertising we are ever willing to help you in your quest.

You have certainly brewed up a storm in Australia’s political climate!

Yes, the Courier-Mail’s suggestion of “Ginger Beer” could be misleading if you intend to produce a more traditional beer according to Germany’s Reinheitsgebot purity laws.

Anyway, those laws are unacceptably foreign so you should totally reject them.

We acknowledge however you and your motley crew are indeed a ginger group in Australian politics.

Nevertheless, it would be unwise to use motley crew in either naming or advertising whatever brew you choose to produce.

You need a catchy brand.

“Policy Lite” or “Ideas Lite” immediately spring to mind, but then again we suspect you would object to un-Australian spelling.

That word fails to shed a light on where you and your party are heading.

XXXXX also infringes on a popular, established brand.

We agree it suggests super strength but given non-Queenslanders already suggest we call our favourite beer XXXX because we can’t spell beer would leave you open to suggestions you can’t spell XXXX either.

Just a point to consider

Your “Pauliner” suggestion was very clever but the Munich Paulaner brewing monks may cry copyright.

It’s true they have an unpasteurised white in their range, but when poured properly it is somewhat opaque.

Is this the image you are trying to portray?

Please, before you ask us to explain, opaque has several meanings; “dull and without lustre” is one, “obscure and unintelligible” another.

Over to you.

Whatever style you choose, dark stouts and porters are obviously out of the question.

We considered a halal beer to appeal to attract those outside your immediate circle.

The best names are taken, including Syria’s Al Charq beer.

Think what fun you could have with that brand!

But given there would be a halal licensing fee that option is also out of the question.

We agree “Pauline’s New” has a certain attraction but everything new is old again.

It’s already been done.

If you get the point.

We are not all trying to put barriers in your way.

A quick straw poll around the thinking table has come up with a very marketable name, and a style.

It just depends what ales you, if you get the drift.

Think about this:

Pauline’s Bitter.

Covers every base!

Illustration: Flickr

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

Show comments