“Jacinda, you can get up off the floor now, you’ll ladder your stockings and you know, if you’re going to be prime minister…”

“Oh Winston, will you really, I mean, we will do all we can to accommodate your… er… requests. I mean, conditions.”

“Of course you will, Jacinda, I rather enjoyed being deputy prime minister before, and I think I will again.”

“Deputy PM? But Winston…”

“You lost to Bill English by 10 seats, Jacinda. Quite a margin. Even with the Greens you can’t make that up to govern. But with New Zealand First you can. Labor and New Zealand First. Quite a ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Will that be all, I mean all you’re thinking of, Winston? I mean, we’ll put your people in Cabinet and…”

“I think we should do more for New Zealanders, Jacinda. Stop all these foreigners buying up big houses.  And perhaps we should start thinking about renaming places. Oriental Bay, for instance. I think it gives those Chinese home buyers ideas. We should rename it. A good Maori name.”

“Of course, Winston, of course. Anything else you have in mind?”

“Well, I think foreign affairs should be in my portfolio. I found the travel quite enjoyable, from the last time. And if the Australians get too uppity, we could say we’ll move them out of Wellington to somewhere else… Palmerston North, maybe. We should cancel the TPP. It only favoured the Yanks, not anyone else. And we should revisit the Treaty of Waitangi. Make the Brits pay for the unequal terms of that treaty. ”

“Winston, we’ll try to do everything you have in mind. Everything. You have my word.”

“You can get up now, Jacinda. I’m really glad we’re in agreement about this. You know I’ve been in politics for a long time, but what I really enjoy is being deputy prime minister and foreign minister. Love the travel. Love it.”

“I look forward to working with you and New Zealand First, Winston. I really, really do.”

“Me too, Jacinda. You know, Bill English never got down on his knees to me. Pity. He should’ve, he knows better now, of course.”

“Anytime, Winston. And I really don’t mind about the stockings.”

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.