Flat White

CBD: The GULAG’s got this, so all must have prizes

13 May 2019

5:11 PM

13 May 2019

5:11 PM

Our perspicacious political insider writes exclusively:

Election 19 is crawling to the business end. This time next week CBD predicts CBD and GULAG will be doing high fives through the haze of a mighty hangover. And if the unthinkable is inflicted upon us through the machinations of the hard right, the Murdoch Press, Sky after dark, CBD will also be suffering a mighty hangover.

CBD is getting confident of the hazy high five scenario. The betting agencies usually get it right and CBD studies the trends closely although aware courtesy of a GULAG operative that money is deliberately placed on certain outcomes to change the odds and thus the public perception. Always a lazy story for a journalist to scribe the changes in the odds without reference to the manipulation. Sometimes its exceptionally cheap advertising CBD is informed.

So, without jinxing GULAG, CBD is willing to predict a GULAG victory. Given victory doesn’t come easily CBD has engaged in the task of awarding medals for the successful GULAG campaign. CBD is confident the hard right will see the appropriateness of providing reward for effort.

Gold Medal

This is a no-brainer. Yes, the winner is MT. Singlehandedly he destroyed the Liberals through leaking, undermining and sniping from 2013. Dedication is recognised in this award. MT exposed the self-seekers who traded their vote for a ministry, pursued GULAG policies on retrospective changes to superannuation (devastating the hard right’s heartland), to negative…oops national energy guarantee and helped set up the victory by losing 14 seats in 2016 and then ensuring his own seat was lost. This award recognises talent as well.

But to think MT enlisted GetUp! to help him get the numbers for the leadership is side-splittingly hilarious. Yes all fully exposed in CBD’s favourite GULAG must-read journal “The Saturday Paper”.  Indeed MT deserves life membership. As for young Alex…

Silver Medal

The gaggle of ministers who sold their souls and votes for a ministry believing the flattery of MT and his manipulators allowing the demise of Abbott and his key supporters who so devastatingly smashed GULAG in 2013. Their talent was finally recognised and how they excelled and performed.

To protect themselves they supported SM on the promise of keeping their ministries stifling SM’s capacity to return some of the discarded performers. To GULAG’s great relief.

Given the award must go to an individual it surely must go to Little Miss Higgins. KO delivered a KO to self-funded retirees in 2016 witnessing a mass exodus of members and donors from Team Liberal. Digging in and denying the obvious really helped rub salt in the wound. Pure gold… well silver because no one can outdo MT.

If that wasn’t enough a further KO was delivered with her attack on her very own colleagues accusing them of all the PC crimes: homophobia, misogyny, and bullying. No recovery from that one. Devastating and easily used by GULAG and the ABC.

The icing on the cake being her failure to lay even a feather on BS and GULAG on union corruption.

All worthy of silver medal status.

Bronze medal

Awarded to the Independents. Their capacity to claim independence with a completely straight face while being in cahoots with GULAG was a medal-winning performance. We love them.

From Bonkers Banks in Flinders. Bankrolled by Greg Hunt to get her elected in the first place the loyal, integrity oozing Bonkers Banks repays it by switching electorates to challenge Hunt thus tying up a good operative for the hard right.
To Silly Zali. Denying all contact with GULAG she has GULAG operatives running her campaign and GULAG volunteers handing out her How to Vote cards in faraway London. Wonder how they got there?

This ties up an excellent deceiver of the people and a phenomenal fundraiser for the hard right.

The individual winner for keeping the straightest face during the last week will be announced at the GULAG victory celebrations.

PS: CBD is off to the optometrist. Was John Hewson really endorsing Hanson-Young?

CBD will be contributing regularly throughout the campaign.

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