Flat White

ScoMo’s Mal-formed ministry

28 May 2019

5:19 PM

28 May 2019

5:19 PM

Our peeved yet perspicacious political insider writes exclusively:

CBD never contemplated recovery could occur so rapidly (physically, in the head, after an excess of self medication and so on). CBD has discovered it is with the spirits (not of the alcoholic, nor the supernatural variety). All that was needed was for the enemies of GULAG to make a few fundamental strategic errors early on to revitalise and restore GULAG spirits.

And the Ministry hopefully is the first of many.

SM’s ministerial line-up is really a semi-Mal special. It is SM’s alone with his authority all over it. Which is why it will be his to wear. It betrays a lack of courage, lack of self-confidence and cronyism. Not to mention pure silliness. Just pure joy for CBD.

Far be it from CBD to provide gratuitous advice to the enemies of GULAG but running a leadership double of soft semi-Mals SM and JF (how he would love to have a K after it!) requires a balancing act with a few more of those detestable election winning hard right types to head off discontent. Look how the master Howard and Costello balanced their ministries and forestalled outbreaks. Not so our SM which augurs well for discontent, mumbling and reprisals.

Even the most brutal GULAG operator wouldn’t think of sacking the drought envoy via Twitter. Watch this space!

And to think the non-eventful career (apart from being MT’s Whip who deliberately and some say deceitfully delayed the inevitable party room meeting to allow SM the time to scramble the numbers to defeat Dutton) of Nola Marino has been richly rewarded with an appointment at the tender age of 65. A gigantic ministerial career beckons to explode. Fasten seat belts and watch this career! Andrew Hastie, you’ve only got 30 years to wait. Only pity was she wasn’t made Minister for Youth to complete the hilarity. That prize went to the perpetual underperforming Colbeck at age 61. He may be preparing for his second childhood whilst getting yet another junior ministry.

The laughter is such that sore stomach muscles will be felt for some time. GULAG couldn’t have wished for more. But there was more. The stomach muscles can’t bear it.

The merit selection process overlooked Hastie for Marino. Flint, Pasin and Fawcett for Ruston. Patterson for Wood and Hume. Kelly for Wicks.  Stoker for Evans. All overlooked in favour of the SM’ites.

If there was room for the older Marino and Colbeck why not Abetz and Andrews who perform and actually know how to tackle GULAG. GULAG is so exceedingly pleased they were overlooked.

But just when you thought it couldn’t get better it does. GULAG will have great delight in exposing the accident and scandal prone – think Sinodinos – Stuart Robert, Michaelia Cash and Melissa Price (she who won’t be moved but was!) It just keeps giving. Sussan Ley and Steve Irons. While safe hands with experience were overlooked.

Just imagine the internal ferment already underway.

CBD and GULAG at their most malevolent would never have inflicted such a ministry of mediocre Mal’ites on SM.  It he did it all by himself.

CBD is feeling chirpy again. Spirits are lifted and the anticipation restored. However the dread of anticipating GULAG’s frontbench tempers CBD’s celebrations.

CBD contributed regularly throughout the campaign – and you may not have heard the last of him/her/zi yet.

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