Flat White

Nous sommes tout les Fredos

29 September 2019

11:40 AM

29 September 2019

11:40 AM

Ou es tu, Fredo? 
Wo bist du, Fredo? 
Where are you hiding?

Where does one hide the idiot brother of a mob leader? We hide them in the mob. They are the mob; the semi-literate, semi-educated, fifth estate and they are holding us in chains.

They are, in fact, all around us; everywhere. They are not from outta space as some might think. They are mostly from university where they studied neo-Marxist history, neo-Marxist journalism and the sexuality of the rats’ psyche, one unit of pol-science, significant quantities of beer and sex and one unit on biblical studies for practical people. Ils sont tout Fredos.

Let’s start with the United States, with CNN, the worst-performing cable news network in the United States, the one that Our taxpayer-funded ABC consults every single day for information about Donald Trump. Well, we know that the front page of CNN carries a photo of the original Fredo, Chris Cuomo, the idiot Fredo who was so sure of his own importance that he took one for the whole Italian people when he declared: “Je non suis pas Fredo, la imbecile!”

However, when he declared: “I am an anchor on CNN”, everyone thought he was the Captain of the Costa Concordia and was confirming that he would be going down with the CNN ship — Je désire.

But just when you thought you had their number, another CNN Fredo raises his head. This one is Jake Fredo Tapper. Fredo Tapper is so desperate that others believe his lies about Donald Trump that he describes those who don’t believe him and who holds his manhood (reputation) to the flame of truth as an army of Trump trolls; those millions of ordinary folk who voted for Trump, who think Hillary is a criminal and who disagree with his lies are automatons who defend Trump without thinking. He is also an anchor on CNN. Je suis aussie Fredo!

But wait, there’s more.

The lady who leads the Democrats in the House of Representatives is none other than Speaker Fredo. Fredo (Nancy) Pelosi managed to scream out, “Ah am Fredo!” as she accused Trump, without any proof, of using taxpayer dollars to shake down “leaders of other countries [and] have them” investigate whether Joe Biden used his VP office under Obama to stop his son, who was appointed to the board of a Ukrainian gas company on $83,000 a month, from a criminal investigation by the Ukraine government.

Fredo Biden confessed to his influence with the then Ukrainian President: “I said we’re not going to give you the billion dollars. They said ‘you can’t do that, you have no authority, you’re not the president,’” Biden remarked. “I said call [President Obama], I told you you’re not getting a billion dollars. Well son of a bitch, he got fired.”

As if she had contacted some sort of recurring disease, Fredo Pelosi shouted: I think Russia has a hand in this.” Russia! Can you believe that hoary old chestnut? But Fredo Pelosi knows to stay mum about the four Democrat Congressmen and the most Fredo of them all, Fredo (Adam) Schiff, who threatened the Ukraine President if he didn’t dish the dirt on President Trump.

Fredo Pelosi then declared: “I am also Fredo the idiot sister” as she announced that the House would commence a formal impeachment investigation of President Trump. Except, Fredo Pelosi announced it at a press conference. A House investigation has to be a motion voted for by the House. So what did she actually announce? Only a thought bubble and then she adjourned the House for a holiday.

But like any good meal, you have to save the best for last. It is only in the last few days that eleven Fredos have been found in England, eleven Fredos led by Fredo Hale who gave the British a taste of Supreme Court justice by taking a little bit from Lord Coke, a natural rights lawyer, to justify a legal positivist appeal to parliamentary sovereignty, when the actual sovereign is the people. Fredo Hale actually admitted as much when she characterised the Parliament as democratically elected. Reading between the lines of that judgment, one can imagine eleven nodding Fredo heads happy in the knowledge that they had protected their visa-free Schengen travel to the south of France, or Greece, or Spain during the end of Michaelmas term Hols.

But let us say no more, in case we commit the ultimate sin of describing the eleven in the same terms that Jacob Rees-Mog used (under his breath of course, in case he ended up like Tommy Robinson) when he read the judgment. Out loud, he said something much like the rest of us: Oh dear; what were they thinking!

Much could be said about the opinionated Fredos who work in Australia but that would run the risk of being misunderstood as a reference to chocolate frogs, to be greeted with a chorus of: “Nous ne sommes pas tout les Freddos.”

Aren’t we entitled to ask what the world is coming to when there are only Fredos at the top of the tree? Whatever happened to the Angels?

David Long is a retired solicitor, economist and PhD candidate at Griffith University School of Law.

Illustration: Paramount Pictures.

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