Flat White

Q&A and the inalienable right to be batshit crazy

9 November 2019

12:02 PM

9 November 2019

12:02 PM

The right to go batshit crazy is one of those inalienable rights. Like the right to bear arms and the right to glue your face to the road and piss off normal, dull people with jobs or just minding their own business. It’s all there in the constitution.

Last Monday three well-known feminists that no one has ever heard of before — other than the people with their faces glued to the road — went full batshit on Q&A.

They wore Edna glasses and red fright wigs or looked like Howard Stern with the swearing or Annie Leibowitz without Brad Pitt, Viagra and an Oscar prop and said crazy things about needing to kill men while the more reasonable one who looked like a lawyer who gives motivational talks to school girls about misogyny, leaning in and making your resume pop, said it was just like the suffragettes who used to hunt rapey men back in the good old days before Donald Trump came along and spoilt it all.

Meanwhile the indigenous woman said we need to burn the place down which is something she seems to put out there a bit though she might want to keep that to herself if she’s anywhere in regional New South Wales at the moment where they are battling bushfires and may not see the whole woke borrowed-from-overseas revolutionary irony of it all.

But despite it being right there in the constitution nobody knew quite what to do. It’s like when you’re in New York and you give you daughter that AK47 for her ninth birthday and despite it being right there in the constitution she doesn’t understand the philosophical consequences and just wants to point and shoot because what modern girl with a semi-automatic doesn’t want to go hunting down men rather than collecting Barbies?

Host Fran Kelly didn’t know what to do either – she just tut-tutted the sweariness and did her political Princess Diana tilt-of-head empathetic thing before suggesting to the people who fund the program that if they don’t like it maybe they should just switch off and keep funding. And then the ABC Managing Director three days later said he needed to really think about this and whether it violated the ABC’s standards which depending on how you look at it either deserves the response (in the voice of Q&A panellists Mona Eltahawy) ‘you have got to be f**kng kidding me, just f**k off will you’ or alternatively and not unreasonably based on Q&A episodes past – ‘how would anyone know?’

Ita seemed to have gone missing, or become completely inarticulate or was maybe having a nap, which can happen at her age. But this may be perceived as ageist. Cold Chisel is doing a reunion tour I see and she may have been in studio with them writing a new song or maybe all having a nice nap together.

In the Twittersphere – the Galapagos Island nature paradise for the truly batshit crazy (to channel David Attenborough) – they all went the full Clementine and demanded that their right to be batshit crazy should not be challenged. Tellingly, on the Q&A episode, one panellist argued that social media and Twitter was a force for good as it empowered the voices of those the rest of us would normally dismiss as complete idiots. At least I think this was her point and I’ll take that as a comment.

On Twitter where logic is not necessarily your friend, the outraged argued classic they-did-it-first and moral equivalence saying that because conservative governments past have introduced policies they don’t agree with, then logically… that’s the same as someone on a panel show seeming to advocate the murder of men. Which all makes perfect sense if you don’t think about it.

Some said John Howard was a war criminal but they may have been referring to George Pell. I think Mark Latham got a mention as well but clearly it was Rupert’s fault. It was that sort of a conversation but the really important thing is that all the people with penises just need to be dead.

Michael Scammell is a writer. You can read his stuff at https://mdswords.wordpress.com.

Illustration: William Castle Productions/Columbia Pictures.

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