Flat White

More movies that must be gone with the wind

12 June 2020

5:22 PM

12 June 2020

5:22 PM

Many have questioned the validity of censoring viewer consumption of particular movie and television titles.  My humble opinion is that the efforts to censor do not go far enough.  For too long certain titles have been offending a silent majority.  This must stop. 

The following movies should be banned for the following reasons: 

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – because it portrays fictional orange-skinned, green-haired men as servants.  Plus the fictional orange-skinned, green-haired men are sexist because they don’t allow women to work. 

Aliens – because it promotes violence against Xenomorphs and denigrates the value of women who choose to have more than one child. 

The Wizard of Oz – it promotes the stereotype that fictional men made of metal are heartless and that walking, talking scarecrows are brainless.  It also promotes hybrid experimentation on monkeys. 

Back to the Future – it portrays scientists as crazy elderly people who cannot say ‘1.21 Gigawatts’ without screaming it like a howler monkey.  Also, it suggests the fifties were fun. 

Fight Club – athe movie suggests, no one should be talking about it, let alone making a film about it. 

Star Wars – because C-3PO is an anti-Jawaist and impersonates a deity. 

Planet of the Apes – because it suggests that a planet run by monkeys would only be able to manage a subsistence-based agrarian economy… Wait a minute…. That was our planet! 

The Walking Dead – ‘dead’ is the livings word.  Zombies prefer pan-corporeal.  

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure – intentionally suggests that Faith No More would be popular in the distant future. 

Days of Thunder – insinuates that only ‘rednecks’ like NASCAR. Wait… 

Frozen – suggests that large fictional snow monsters are, um, monsters. 

The Lion King  suggests that ‘life’ is exclusively a circle. 

Edward Scissorhands – promotes the idea that there is something ‘not normal’ about a person with scissors for hands. 

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Until these movies and television shows are removed from our screens, they will continue to cause offence and pollute the minds of people with too much time on their hands.   

We must see to it that these abominations of modern culture are removed from all streaming and free-to-air programming and replaced with wholesome content that celebrates wealthy-pseudo-celebrity influencers, infidelity, violence, drug culture and/or that lambasts conservatives, men, religion and Trump/Bush/ Thatcher/Reagan. 

Until that day comes, there can be no peace. 

Illustration: Allstar/Cinetext/20th Century Fox.

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