Flat White

Oh Dan, I have sinned against you…

3 September 2020

11:01 AM

3 September 2020

11:01 AM

ITEM: The Australian, September 3, 2020

The arrest of a pregnant anti-lockdown protester, which was live-streamed on social media, has been called a “symbol of dictatorial control in Victoria” and “overkill”.

Zoe Buhler, 28, was handcuffed in her living room and arrested for incitement on Wednesday afternoon while her children and husband watched on…

“Excuse me, incitement for what, what on Earth? I’m in my pyjamas, my two kids are here,” she can be heard saying in the video.

I wish to turn myself into Victoria Police.

Last night I posted on Facebook that Melbourne cyclists should ride their bikes 5.1km from home.

I posted this knowing full well that, under current Stage Four restrictions, anyone who took my advice would be travelling 100m further than our rulers permit citizens to go.

My ill-conceived social media message obviously encouraged people to flout laws.

Sorry. Let me fix that.

My social media message encouraged people to flout obviously ill-conceived laws.

But worse, my Facebook update put the lives of millions of Victorians at risk. I see that now.

If my three Facebook friends see my post – one has already ‘liked’ it – and do as I have incited them to do, well, only God Himself and Premier Daniel Andrews (but I repeat myself) know how harmful this would be.

I mean, Premier Andrews is literally the only person who knows why it is harmful to travel 5.1km from home but not 5km from home.

As the Bible says, “His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and his ways are higher than our ways. And of the increase of his government, there will be no end.” But I digress.

I admit to typing the offending message on my laptop and agree to voluntarily hand it over to officers when they arrive to cuff and arrest me.

I further admit that I used my iPhone to repeatedly check how many people had ‘liked’ my post – still only one person.

I will make my iPhone available to forensic detectives as well.

I assure Victoria Police that I will not resist arrest. After all, I have not resisted anything to this point.

I didn’t resist when you told me I was not allowed to go to work. I didn’t resist when you told me I was not allowed to go outside after 8.00 pm. And nor did I resist when you said I was not allowed to go see my mum on Mother’s Day.

Speaking of which, Mum is now beside herself with worry that she may have committed an offence by liking my Facebook post. Will that be deemed an act of aiding and abetting? She insists she ‘liked’ it by mistake while trying to log on to Words with Friends.

I just need to know if I should warn her to put a dressing gown on before she is rounded up and sent to the gulag.

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

Show comments