Flat White

The Murdoch Royal Commission is one man’s inadequacy

23 October 2020

5:00 AM

23 October 2020

5:00 AM

There is an unpleasant screaming and stamping of feet coming from aisle three where a toddler has been divested of the prime ministership. The tantrum has been going on since 2013 when, after being stabbed more times than Caesar, the embattled Labor leader blamed the audience instead of looking at his bloody paws. 

It was the papers – the press and their cruel headlines – that felled Kevin Rudd. Not the hated NBN, ratifying Kyoto, School Halls, the Resource Super Profits Tax, murderous Pink Batts, and the utter catastrophe surrounding asylum seekers. 

While Rudd may have envisioned himself as the tragic romantic figure of Australian politics, the public were enjoying Murdoch’s mean headlines over a morning coffee. The on-again/off-again six-year flirtation with bad government finally ended in the only poll that really matters – an election. 

This is where you would normally insert the dignified afterlife of a prime minister. 

If Malcolm Turnbull is a ghost, Rudd is a demonic haunting. He already knew that his backup plan to become supreme leader of an Australian republic would have to wait, so he pimped himself out as Ban Ki-moon’s replacement for Secretary General of the United Nations. A shoe-in, or so Rudd thought. According to Turnbull, he called begging for Australia’s nomination. After the rebuke, Rudd diplomatically replied: 

You little fucking rat, you piece of shit! I’m going to get you for this. I’m going to come down to Australia and campaign against you in every part of the country. I will remind them of Godwin fucking Grech, you…

In what may be the ultimate act of white privilege, Rudd made like Joe Biden and sniffed around Botswana for a nomination that sensibly never manifested. With a trail of unfriendly headlines, he skulked off into obscurity … for about five minutes. 


After completing two volumes of autobiography, Rudd spammed Twitter with his affection for China, climate change, and the Paris Agreement. If it was meant to be a bandaid for his reputation, it didn’t work. No one was interested. No doubt he noticed that tweets attacking Rupert Murdoch gained the most attention – which is the one thing he craves above respect and success. 

For years Rudd tried to capitalise on this limited digital enthusiasm, even penning a whinge in the Sydney Morning Herald where he credited Murdoch with both #Brexit and Trump. It is a ‘cancer on the Australian democracy’, he insisted. I don’t know, it sounds more like we owe Murdoch a bottle of champagne…? 

Absurdity aside, Rudd’s one-man vanity war was actually a declaration of censorship, born from a place of personal embarrassment regarding the circus that served as his page in history. What should have been a petty footnote is today being enabled by the modern left who, like their authoritarian predecessors, are eternally jealous of free market outcomes. 

While the ABC is allowed to pickpocket the nation and shred its charter, the government cannot stop people from buying Murdoch publications. If we were to make the ABC a voluntary subscription, we would soon see how satisfied Australia is with the billions spent on reporters so ideologically green that you’d struggle to pick them out from a forest. Sorry, Ita Buttrose, being ‘free’ does not guarantee popularity. 

As for politicians, they long for a tepid press gallery. Daniel Andrews’ sermons remained vanilla until Murdoch’s Peta Credlin loomed over him with difficult questions, tapping him like a praying mantis mid-way through a snack. Sensing danger for their premier, Labor threw itself behind Rudd’s pre-prepared hashtag, #MurdochRoyalCommission. 

What continues to this day is a brazen attempt to communize the media and force equality of representation (not opportunity) by petitioning the government to attack Murdoch on behalf of its less successful peers. Rudd’s original 2018 tweet accused Murdoch of launching an ‘anti-Rudd jihad’ and then attached a series of headlines, including the Courier Mail’s, Does This Guy Ever Shut Up? 

From this point on, Rudd began to communicate via conspiracy theories. 

In one, he suggested that Tony Abbott attacked the NBN to protect Murdoch against online market competitors like Netflix. Recently, Rudd appeared on the ABC and argued that Murdoch, the Ukraine and Russia were involved in a conspiracy to topple Democrat nominee, Joe Biden, which has to be transcribed to be believed. 

What we’ve seen in recent days is the New York Post publish obviously an article given to them by the Trump Republican campaign concerning Hunter Biden – Vice President Biden’s son, which is sourced, it seems, from dubious sources within the Ukraine. Allegations made that they in fact could be coming from Russian intelligence. Leaving aside the simple accuracy of the report or not, the bottom line is what’s revealed in the New York Times today is that the New York Post journalists themselves produced this article. This seems very much from the reporting to be the sort of tactics we’ve seen in Australia just before an election. Here’s a huge scandal against the centre-left [sic] challenger, in this case, the Biden campaign. I think it’s important people know that these tactics seem to be universally applied.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the mind that wants to re-shape the media landscape in Australia. 

The Murdoch Royal Commission is one man’s inadequacy. A politician who never got over Australia’s rejection, and so he has devoted himself to attacking her liberties. If we allow this axis of Labor, the Unions, and anonymous internet troll groups to remove a media company in order to protect their secrets, then we are all complicit in a Stalinist resurrection of ‘the truth’. 

Imagine what they will do to you when they are finished with Murdoch. 

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