Despite what raging left-wing lunatics are screaming in your poor, bleeding ears, consent will never be a simple issue.  

Add one human being to another human being, drench in alcohol and you’ll always have a heady, confusing muddle.  

So, what genius decided that, after the milkshake consent video debacle of last week, the answer was to consult man-hating Clementine Ford? 

Step forward Independent agency The Royals, which can now be renamed Royally Wrong.  

Amidst the milkshake furore, these clowns picked up the phone to notorious man-loathing Ford, and recruited her to make a new version of the consent video. The original online educational tool The Good Society, funded by the Department of Educational Skills and Employment, was removed just days after it appeared on Monday last week. 

Now, Ford, the very same “Kill All Men” tool who said that COVID-19 wasn’t killing men fast enough, has consented to jump on the bandwagon. 

This, of course, guarantees that the key audience — young males, with the possible exception of Adam Bandt’s office interns and a handful of soi bois — is immediately lost, but let’s continue.

“We don’t need metaphors or complicated analogies to explain consent. In fact, the easiest way to understand consent is to talk about it,” Ford says to camera. “It’s a dialogue between sexual partners that prioritises respect and wellbeing, and this shouldn’t be hard for people to understand.” 

Here’s the problem with Ford’s simplistic schooling; sex doesn’t happen in classrooms. It doesn’t happen sitting at a desk, while engaging in sensible dialogue. 

Sex has a habit of being messy, drenched in emotion — and often fuelled by more than just passion.  

All too many of us have had experiences where “dialogue” didn’t feature much.  

Ford says in the video that you’re allowed to change your mind, and withdraw consent at any time.  

So, to recap…  

You can say yes but mean no.  

You can say yes but think no.  

How is that “easy to understand”? 

How is that simple? 

How is that fair? 

How is that legal?  

Interestingly, Ford herself, who has been refreshingly quiet on social media, jumped on a ‘Mothers of Sons’ Facebook post that was critical of her video.

She snapped, “You can dislike me all you want, but you should be intellectually honest in your critique – and as a mother of a son myself, I will certainly be teaching him that the best sex is the kind where everyone is enjoying themselves and feels able to say no to things they don’t like and to be in communication with their partners.” 

Let’s hope he doesn’t find himself out one night having had too many drinks, joined by a woman who has matched him. 

Mummy dearest may be horrified at just how gnarly real life can be.