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‘We’ll get you there, though some people may die’

18 May 2021

11:38 AM

18 May 2021

11:38 AM

Like-a-Virgin Airlines has launched a new advertising campaign to encourage people to travel overseas despite the Covid-19 pandemic.

The “We’ll get you there, though some people may die” adverts will run across TV and online until the company is making a profit, or until everyone in Australia is dead from Coronavirus — whichever comes first.

The catchy new slogan was inspired by Like-a-Virgin Australia CEO Jayne Hardliquor who told a business gathering on Monday that international borders should be opened “even if some people may die”.

Marketing experts agreed the line was genius and immediately went to work creating a campaign that they believed would capitalise on the famous devil-may-care Aussie attitude.

A spokesperson for Pitch Die advertising agency told The Spectator Australia: “The basic message is that everyone’s gotta die sometime. Why should you prolong your overseas trip just so someone can prolong their life?”

He said the campaign would coincide with a complete refurbishment of the airline lounge in which passengers, henceforth to be known as “precorpses”, would be able to watch the Virgin Suicides on big screen televisions before boarding their flight to a coronavirus hotspot anywhere in the world.

“Some travellers may die but it’s a sacrifice the airline industry is prepared to make,” he said.

Frequent fliers would be allowed to travel with two suitcases, plus a body bag at no extra cost.

Excited travellers reacted positively to the campaign and would have booked flights immediately had they been able to find a travel agency that had not closed its doors months ago.

Undeterred, airline staff were yesterday busy practicing a new in-flight safety demonstration that now includes asking people to “fasten your seat belt and take a good look around before take-off, because some of you people may die”.

The slick advertising campaign revives the 1980 Peter Allen song “I Still Call Australia Home”, previously used by a rival airline.

The reworked jingle goes:

I’ve been to cities that are always locked down

From New York to Rio, and old London Town

But I’m desperate to travel so I’m going to roam

Even if I bring coronavirus home.

Pitch Die managing director said that if the campaign was successful it could lead to spin-off campaigns.

“We are already thinking that we could offer cheaper flights if we didn’t have to spend so much money on maintenance of planes, and cheaper flights would be good for customers,” he said. “Sure, some people would die, but it would be way fewer than die in car crashes every year.”

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