Jeremy Clarke

Jeremy Clarke writes the The Spectator Low Life column.

The joys of home and hearth and hot lemon

10 January 2015 9:00 am

Over Christmas and New Year I was rotten with flu and didn’t go out once. I stayed soberly at home…

My perfect island – and the posher one next door

3 January 2015 9:00 am

Jeremy Clarke found his perfect island – and had to leave it

That’s another year gone and, against the odds, I’m still here

3 January 2015 9:00 am

A fruity voice on the train’s announcement system said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, make sure you have all your belongings, family…

Forgive us our Christmases as we forgive those who Christmas against us

13 December 2014 9:00 am

After lunch on Christmas Day my father always stood at the sink in his apron and yellow Marigolds and did…

The best thing about travel-writing gigs is meeting other hacks

6 December 2014 9:00 am

The thing I enjoy most about travel-writing gigs is meeting other hacks. Hacks are almost invariably fun, funny, gossipy, irreverent,…

The criteria for admittance to a Maldivian cemetery

29 November 2014 9:00 am

Moofushi, Maldives   We clambered aboard a dhoni, the sturdy wooden boat that the Maldivians use for getting about the…

‘Are you going out tonight, Frasier? If you are, don’t leave without me’

22 November 2014 9:00 am

An hour earlier I had stepped off a plane from Dublin and I was three-quarters deaf in one ear. I…

I nearly went lost my mind in southern Spain on the trail of Gerald Brenan

15 November 2014 9:00 am

Another writer I once liked very much is Gerald Brenan. Brenan served with distinction in the first world war and…

Bidding a fond, and drunken, farewell to the awe-inspiring Mark Amory

8 November 2014 9:00 am

Rubbing shoulders with political suits on the pavement outside the Westminster Arms, I drank two pints of Spitfire. Pump primed,…

'My boy was my all': letters from a bereaved mother to a Somme widow

1 November 2014 9:00 am

My maternal grandmother (née Clarke) had six brothers, all keen poker players. All six volunteered to fight in the Great…

Hello trees, hello sky, hello armoured riot police

25 October 2014 9:00 am

What a beautiful day, I thought, as I nodded to the porter in the bowler hat and stepped out of…

The karmic rewards of becoming a vegetarian

18 October 2014 9:00 am

 ‘Is that you, Sister?’ It was Tom misdialling again with those thick, stubby fingers of his. ‘No, it’s me: Jerry,’…

Karl Miller called me his ‘great white hope’. I failed him, of course

11 October 2014 9:00 am

As I think I said in this column the other week, I used to sneak into English lectures at University…

Chatting up Katherine Mansfield

4 October 2014 9:00 am

I like the New Zealand writer Katherine Mansfield, who according to Virginia Woolf smelt like a civet cat and had…

A visit to a drugs den above a fishmongers with Miss South America

27 September 2014 8:00 am

‘Stand outside the fishmongers in 20 minutes and call this number,’ she said, ‘and I can arrange it.’ On Saturday…

A game of dominoes turns ugly

20 September 2014 9:00 am

I’m round at Amy and Bill’s for Sunday afternoon tea. Amy and Bill are my in-laws, kind of. When I…

The bump in the night that changed my mind about pygmies

13 September 2014 9:00 am

Music of the Forest on Radio 4 last week was a profile of the anthropologist Colin Turnbull, 1924–1994, who achieved…

An undergraduate anorak at 32

6 September 2014 9:00 am

When I was 32, tired at last, for the moment anyway, of seizing the day, I stopped drinking and gave…

Glazed tiles, a barred window: it must be another morning in a police cell

30 August 2014 9:00 am

In my late twenties, it was not unusual for me to wake up in a police cell wearing a paper…

What I learned working in the lunatic asylum

23 August 2014 9:00 am

In 1984 I was 27. Since leaving school I had done unskilled manual labour, when I could get any. Then…

A road trip in the company of Long John Silver and an exciting pair of thighs

16 August 2014 9:00 am

I live in south Devon. Last week I went up to north Devon, to visit a friend who was renting…

I might have no testosterone but I do have a Fiat Barchetta

9 August 2014 9:00 am

I’ve might have no testosterone. (My production is currently being stopped by injection once every three months.) But what I…

The indiscreet charm of Jim Davidson

2 August 2014 9:00 am

Le tout Torquay was there, cramming into the Princess Theatre with a drink in each hand ten minutes after the…

My grandson’s Great Leap Forward

26 July 2014 9:00 am

‘Oscar!’ cried Miss Herd as I arrived. She was standing at the classroom door releasing her charges one by one…

I am walking to the Spectator party — sober, clean and in all my finery

19 July 2014 9:00 am

They do love a party at The Spectator. I was invited to four in ten days last week: the Apollo…