Jeremy Clarke

Jeremy Clarke writes the The Spectator Low Life column.

The curse of surgical stockings

5 June 2021 9:00 am

The porter rolled me off the trolley and on to the bed, wished me a good day and departed. My…

A taste inquisition on Stink Street

29 May 2021 9:00 am

Walking up through the Stink Street medieval arch with a bag of shopping, I spotted Michael between the oleander branches…

The joy of ironing

22 May 2021 9:00 am

On the Saturday morning of the Ascension Day bank holiday, I swung down the stairs and ladder to the little…

The myriad signatures of a canine pissoir

15 May 2021 9:00 am

Sally (la Sal, the Salster) is part whippet, part Labrador and part dormouse. She is 16 years old, stone deaf,…

If all else fails, there’s always basket weaving

8 May 2021 9:00 am

The only thing left for me now is to embrace humility and take up basket weaving. In our dog and…

My clairvoyant GP

1 May 2021 9:00 am

‘Willie or bum?’ I said to Catriona on the motorway. Everything in my recent medical career has been introduced via…

I have been ambushed by the past

24 April 2021 9:00 am

The other week I turned up for the village walking club’s Monday hike. A dawn meet. Two cars. A 90-minute…

Mon dieu! Our French residency permits have arrived

17 April 2021 9:00 am

For EU nationals living in Britain and wanting to legally remain after Brexit, a letter or an email was enough…

My best Duke of Edinburgh salute for my oncologist

10 April 2021 9:00 am

In the waiting room I thought about the Duke of Edinburgh. In particular, I pictured him saluting the cenotaph on…

My French lesson has taken a most unexpected turn

3 April 2021 9:00 am

‘Alas, David can’t be here this afternoon,’ I told the French teacher as she let me into her light and…

My thrilling rendezvous with the sausage lady

20 March 2021 9:00 am

One day last week we did a wine run up to Manosque in the foothills of the Alps, leaving early…

My €25 Covid jab surprise

13 March 2021 9:00 am

Around the time that poor M. Macron was casting televised aspersions on the AstraZeneca jab, I was offered one by…

The beauty of French nurses

6 March 2021 9:00 am

I was supine on the slab and a nurse was rigging me up via wires and tubes to machines and…

Why I need to become a French citizen

27 February 2021 9:00 am

After weeks of living in the 18th century, going everywhere on foot and encountering few other souls, I drove to…

My French lessons with Lord Nelson

20 February 2021 9:00 am

Every Friday afternoon the foreign correspondent and I attend a French lady’s home for our one-hour French lesson. The foreign…

How I got my encyclopedic knowledge of current affairs

13 February 2021 9:00 am

Seven bells. Pitch dark still. I descend the creaking wooden stairs in the darkness, let the dog out, make tea…

In praise of the bacon butty

6 February 2021 9:00 am

I was tipped off to meet a white Hyundai at a French motorway toll rest area at 2.30 p.m. (I…

The joy of my new British passport

30 January 2021 9:00 am

‘Anything you want?’ says Catriona on her way out of the house to go to the shop. I’m standing at…

My message to the log police

23 January 2021 9:00 am

Here, as in Britain, everyone is a log expert. The woodman leaves a heap at the bottom of the drive…

My future hangs on the result of this blood test

16 January 2021 9:00 am

A new year and another round of medical treatments in the French health system. On Saturday morning, needing a blood…

In praise of nuns

9 January 2021 9:00 am

Although I was ten minutes early, Vernon was there ahead of me, framed in the ancient chapel doorway, chatting up…

The magic of Anthony Powell

19 December 2020 9:00 am

Every few years I’ve picked up one or other of Anthony Powell’s A Dance to the Music of Time series…

What French women want

12 December 2020 9:00 am

Considering the subject of compatibility, experienced British expats in France maintain that a French man and an English woman might…

I found a confused elderly man in my bedroom

5 December 2020 9:00 am

There are several cave houses built into the cliff. Ours is the highest and can be reached only by a…