Food
The horror of socially distanced restaurants
What does a critic do when her genre collapses? Mostly I panic. I speak to restaurateurs who believe that without…
Hope in a takeaway bag: Mackerel Sky reviewed
You don’t dine in the age of pandemic: you scuttle about in the wreckage. If you can afford food, and…
Fare game: life as The Spectator’s restaurant critic
A fictional Spectator restaurant critic called Forbes McAllister appeared on Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge. He was played…
Much of it is pointless, but that only adds to its charm: Fortnum & Mason hampers reviewed
Stop the clocks: Fortnum & Mason is still delivering hampers. I am not surprised, because this shop — or rather…
Dining in the time of pandemic: takeaways reviewed
I love eating while watching bad films like Battleship, so I love takeaway food from local restaurants. I am not…
A tax on intellectuals: Terrace Cafe at the British Library reviewed
The British Library is the national library of the United Kingdom, and it sits like a red-brick crab on the…
I have always liked angry food: Ugly Butterfly reviewed
Ugly Butterfly is a zero-waste restaurant and champagne bar on the King’s Road, Chelsea. The ‘champagne bar’ addition is so…
Criminally good food: The Yard at Great Scotland Yard reviewed
The Yard is a defiantly themed restaurant in Hyatt’s new Great Scotland Yard Hotel, an Edwardian red-brick block which once…
The food is almost too superb: Wild Honey reviewed
Wild Honey is a ludicrous name for this restaurant: there is nothing wild about it, and I do not think…
Fairy food for fairy wives: Julie’s Restaurant reviewed
Julie’s is a 50-year-old restaurant in Holland Park, London, newly emerged from three years of closure as plushly renovated as…
This food needs a little less grandeur, and a little more love: Simpson’s in the Strand reviewed
Simpson’s in the Strand stopped serving breakfast in 2017, after it had been renovated to stop it smelling of cabbage.…
Sumptuous, remote – and forgettable: Locket’s reviewed
Locket’s is a new café from the owners of Wiltons in Jermyn Street. Wiltons is the restaurant that dukes visit…
Nauseating, but I like the garlic bread: Legoland Windsor reviewed
The theme music to Legoland in Berkshire is the theme music to The Exorcist. It appears from speakers hidden in…
Back in the Babington Triangle: Roth Bar & Grill reviewed
The Roth Bar & Grill exists on an art-farm called Durslade in Bruton, Somerset, which is also the country outpost…
Stringfellows for the sex robot age: Bob Bob Cité reviewed
Bob Bob Cité is a restaurant dangling like testicles from the underside of the Leadenhall Building in the City of…
An enemy of the people? Or an above-average sandwich chain? Pret A Manger reviewed
The sandwich restaurant Pret A Manger is accused of harbouring centrists. Those are words I never thought I would type,…
I’ve had my fill of brasseries: Moncks reviewed
If you review restaurants professionally you would not think Britain wanted to leave the EU. You would think she wanted…
It’s so easy to go mad in Oxford: Chiang Mai Kitchen reviewed
Oxford is a pile of medieval buildings filled with maniacs, and is therefore one of the most interesting places on…
I wouldn’t suggest you eat here, but I doubt there’s a better place to drop acid: Camelot Castle reviewed
The Camelot Castle Hotel is a pebble-dashed late-Victorian excrescence on a cliff. It overlooks the ruins of Tintagel Castle. A…
Like Twitter, but with food: Market Hall Victoria reviewed
The Market Hall Victoria is an international food shed opposite the station terminus. I have long hated Victoria, thinking it…
Lunch on Leonard Cohen Island: The Pirate Bar reviewed
The Pirate Bar is an oddity, even for this column: a bar and restaurant themed in homage to a pirate,…
A hotel dressed like the Queen Mother: Siren at the Goring reviewed
The Goring is a tiny grand hotel near Victoria Station and the Queen’s garden wall. Victoria is not pleasant —…
The devil eats Prada: Patisserie Marchesi 1824 reviewed
The Prada Café is both a cake shop and a historical inevitability. It sits on Mount Street, almost opposite the…
I didn’t know kosher food this good existed: Decks in Tverya reviewed
Decks is a restaurant built on the Sea of Galilee. It is Benjamin and Sara Netanyahu’s favourite restaurant (it is…
An alternate reality in Heathrow’s Terminal 5: Fortnum & Mason reviewed
I am obsessed with Fortnum & Mason, and the jams of the England that never was but could be. It…
