Real life

Are iPhones sending women gaga?

14 May 2022 9:00 am

The girl wound down her window, stuck her mobile phone out into midair, and started to take pictures of the…

It’s not cruel to shout at dogs

7 May 2022 9:00 am

‘Missing Dog, Please Do Not Call, Chase or Try To Grab Her!! She Will Run!!’ This notice, featuring the face…

An extraordinary fracas at the vet

30 April 2022 9:00 am

After rushing our little spaniel to the veterinary hospital on the usual bank holiday emergency basis upon which all animals…

Why I won’t be following the new equine vaccine regime

23 April 2022 9:00 am

When the vet had finished giving my horses their annual flu boosters, she reminded me the vaccination regime had changed.…

Bring back Nancy

16 April 2022 9:00 am

The bank was having Transgender Visibility Day when I popped in to deposit some cash.The stressed-looking customers, meanwhile, seemed mostly…

Would my godson survive an afternoon with me?

9 April 2022 9:00 am

My friend Emily, who once got an owl stuck to her hand, was bringing her son for a day with…

Covid has given me a superpower

2 April 2022 9:00 am

Since recovering from Covid, I seem to have quietly been developing supernatural powers. At first I thought I had simply…

Is ours the oddest high street in the land?

26 March 2022 9:00 am

The window of the new shop was as brightly coloured as a circus entrance, and stuffed full of items bearing…

I stink at virtue signalling

19 March 2022 9:00 am

The lodger looked at me blankly and pronounced wearily, as though intoning something he was tired of parroting, that I…

The surreal purgatory of A&E

12 March 2022 9:00 am

‘This is my father, and his pronoun is he,’ said the builder boyfriend, checking his dad into Accident and Emergency.…

The politics of trees

5 March 2022 9:00 am

Trees glorious trees. People can’t get enough of them. They don’t want to take care of trees, they just want…

Every village needs a kebab shop

26 February 2022 9:00 am

‘A diary?’ said the lady in the chintzy gift shop, pronouncing the word very much as Edith Evans said ‘handbag’…

Insurance is like a toxic love affair

19 February 2022 9:00 am

‘Do you have any questions?’ said the man at the insurance company after an hour of me trying to take…

I’m stuck in Surrey, get me outta here!

12 February 2022 9:00 am

After most of Islington moved to Wales, it was foolish of me to think about following. But the need to…

Beware your car’s onboard computer

5 February 2022 9:00 am

After an incredible 13 emails, Vodafone decided that I was who I was claiming to be, and refunded my money.…

My Orwellian battle with Vodafone

29 January 2022 9:00 am

After launching an investigation into my missing phone, Vodafone informed me it could not deal with me any further until…

The tyranny of the smart phone

22 January 2022 9:00 am

‘Can I ask you why you don’t want a smart phone?’ said the chirpy manager, as I stood blinking in…

Surrey’s vegan wars

15 January 2022 9:00 am

One of the village vegans gave the bacon sandwich resting on top of the recycling bin outside my house an…

Real life

8 January 2022 9:00 am

Last night I dreamt I went on holiday again. It seemed to me I stood by the departure gate, and…

Am I being impersonated by an actor from Colorado or a mining company?

18 December 2021 9:00 am

Someone else with my name is wreaking havoc with my attempts to control the Twitter account I don’t want. Obviously,…

Why I prefer to rely on natural immunity

11 December 2021 9:00 am

‘Did you hear it?’ said a friend of mine, red-faced with the flush of a piece of news she couldn’t…

My battle of the bulb

4 December 2021 9:00 am

The streetlighting engineer walked up and down outside my house trying to work out who was right: me, or my…

There is a new and deadly threat to the countryside

27 November 2021 9:00 am

Surprise, surprise. The person who had the shield taken out of the street light so it shone back into my…

Is there such a thing as a human right to night?

20 November 2021 9:00 am

The street lamp as bright as the Dog Star is back to its full glare outside my house. I won…

Just another mad night out at the local bad-food gastropub

13 November 2021 9:00 am

We were enjoying our evening at the overpriced gastropub until a woman in a dark uniform appeared at our table.…