Real life
Silicon Valley’s evil plan
After months of trying not to try the exciting new version of Gmail, the exciting new version of Gmail tried…
The law of acronyms
Teacher training is terrific fun. Oh yes, I am thoroughly enjoying myself on my evening course at Guildford College. Don’t…
I am a prisoner of Norton AntiVirus
Two and a half hours after my tech guy began trying to uninstall Norton, he had purple smoke coming out…
Why mutilate a perfectly good pronoun?
‘I’m just going to pop yourself on hold,’ said the girl from the online shopping firm who was trying to…
Why my lodger has to be a girl
The little lodger is moving in. I chose her after an exhaustive search of twentysomethings looking for accommodation, during which…
I was hounded by a canine sex pest
A big part of my problem is that I don’t understand why people do the things they do. I was…
Is it easier to leave the EU than Norton AntiVirus?
Leaving Norton, the antivirus software package, is a bit like trying to leave the EU. You may think, once you…
When you compare ragwort to Islamic extremism, who should be more offended?
When I made a joke about ragwort being like Islamic extremism, I expected someone to write in. I was fully…
I am high as a Kite on gloss paint (excuse the pun)
After I had been glossing the woodwork for a few days, I started to feel light-headed. It hadn’t occurred to…
Why won’t anyone live with me?
When I placed an advert for a lodger I really did expect potential tenants to want to come and see…
Welcome to customer services, Guantanamo Bay-style
The engineer from Beko arrived and got to work trying to mend the new fridge. Having spent a very long…
The only guarantee I have is that there is no guaranteeing my guarantee
Beko. I always want to sing that song by Peter Gabriel from the movie about the South African freedom fighter…
Stefano is a tonic, and I love him
Stefano came back to paint the front of the house. I have never been so pleased to see his red…
It was either new carpets – or happy dogs
Instead of carpeting the upstairs of the house, I had grass fragments removed from the dogs’ ears. I can’t say…
Is EE fantastic after all?
This was going to be about how a major phone company surprised me by delivering a fantastic service. I was…
Sex and MOTs
Opening a button of my shirt to get the horse lorry through its MOT is the sort of thing I…
Me and my gun
Finally, I got my hands on a gun. About the size of a sawn-off shotgun it was, just under 20in…
The hidden costs of dogging
Every day in every way we are paying for more and more. I realise this increasingly. Things we took for…
It’s war in my neighbourhood – and this time it’s gloves off
After sanding floorboards for two days I became even more demented than usual. The hand sander was the exact right…
Turmeric is the hero herb – an all-natural, vegan alternative to common sense
Dear customer, we are invading your privacy and sending you this unsolicited email in order to tell you that you…
Now I know how the Karate Kid felt
Now I know how the Karate Kid felt. Two hours after I began oiling the newly laid deck in my…
The poorer I get, the more capitalist I become
‘What a fabulous tan, where did you get it? said one of my fellow lunch guests as we entered the…
My name’s Melissa and my horse is a grassoholic
Laminitis is a lot like alcoholism. Once you cross the line you can’t go back. ‘My name’s Gracie and I’m…
The women who are turning horses into dogs
The first time I saw a woman leading a horse down the lane on a lead, both she and it…
Why suburban ladies really play tennis
Because my mother is always telling me everything will be all right if I join a tennis club, I’ve joined…
