Real life

Covid has given me a superpower

2 April 2022 9:00 am

Since recovering from Covid, I seem to have quietly been developing supernatural powers. At first I thought I had simply…

Is ours the oddest high street in the land?

26 March 2022 9:00 am

The window of the new shop was as brightly coloured as a circus entrance, and stuffed full of items bearing…

I stink at virtue signalling

19 March 2022 9:00 am

The lodger looked at me blankly and pronounced wearily, as though intoning something he was tired of parroting, that I…

The surreal purgatory of A&E

12 March 2022 9:00 am

‘This is my father, and his pronoun is he,’ said the builder boyfriend, checking his dad into Accident and Emergency.…

The politics of trees

5 March 2022 9:00 am

Trees glorious trees. People can’t get enough of them. They don’t want to take care of trees, they just want…

Every village needs a kebab shop

26 February 2022 9:00 am

‘A diary?’ said the lady in the chintzy gift shop, pronouncing the word very much as Edith Evans said ‘handbag’…

Insurance is like a toxic love affair

19 February 2022 9:00 am

‘Do you have any questions?’ said the man at the insurance company after an hour of me trying to take…

I’m stuck in Surrey, get me outta here!

12 February 2022 9:00 am

After most of Islington moved to Wales, it was foolish of me to think about following. But the need to…

Beware your car’s onboard computer

5 February 2022 9:00 am

After an incredible 13 emails, Vodafone decided that I was who I was claiming to be, and refunded my money.…

My Orwellian battle with Vodafone

29 January 2022 9:00 am

After launching an investigation into my missing phone, Vodafone informed me it could not deal with me any further until…

The tyranny of the smart phone

22 January 2022 9:00 am

‘Can I ask you why you don’t want a smart phone?’ said the chirpy manager, as I stood blinking in…

Surrey’s vegan wars

15 January 2022 9:00 am

One of the village vegans gave the bacon sandwich resting on top of the recycling bin outside my house an…

Real life

8 January 2022 9:00 am

Last night I dreamt I went on holiday again. It seemed to me I stood by the departure gate, and…

Am I being impersonated by an actor from Colorado or a mining company?

18 December 2021 9:00 am

Someone else with my name is wreaking havoc with my attempts to control the Twitter account I don’t want. Obviously,…

Why I prefer to rely on natural immunity

11 December 2021 9:00 am

‘Did you hear it?’ said a friend of mine, red-faced with the flush of a piece of news she couldn’t…

My battle of the bulb

4 December 2021 9:00 am

The streetlighting engineer walked up and down outside my house trying to work out who was right: me, or my…

There is a new and deadly threat to the countryside

27 November 2021 9:00 am

Surprise, surprise. The person who had the shield taken out of the street light so it shone back into my…

Is there such a thing as a human right to night?

20 November 2021 9:00 am

The street lamp as bright as the Dog Star is back to its full glare outside my house. I won…

Just another mad night out at the local bad-food gastropub

13 November 2021 9:00 am

We were enjoying our evening at the overpriced gastropub until a woman in a dark uniform appeared at our table.…

My pro-vaxxer friends are changing their tune

6 November 2021 9:00 am

My pro-vaxxer friends have been a lot nicer to me since they started testing positive for Covid. I’m calling my…

Why I say no to apps

30 October 2021 9:00 am

‘My phone says I can’t go out until Tuesday, so I can’t come and meet you,’ said my friend. And…

If a bloke can wear stockings and suspenders in a stable yard why can’t I?

23 October 2021 9:00 am

We had gone to visit a friend at a stable yard on a country estate on a crisp autumn Sunday.…

My horse is allergic to beige carpet

16 October 2021 9:00 am

The horse lorry arrived and lowered its ramp — and I stood in front of it knowing that my thoroughbred…

In defence of panic buying

9 October 2021 9:00 am

The filling station on the road out of the village was like a scene from Mad Max. People were all…

In praise of bots

2 October 2021 9:00 am

British Gas finally agreed to service my boiler, for no reason I could make out other than the boiler wasn’t…