‘I identify as six-two.’

Bar

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘You might want to sit down.’

Test

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘We’re shutting the strong and stable door.’

Immigration

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

Reception

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘So it’s hard Brexit, soft Brexit, hard Brexit, soft Brexit…’

Dinner

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘I’m thinking of standing down as a voter.’

Election

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘I can’t afford a shepherd’s hut!’

Sheep Newman

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘We might end up with custody of Greece.’

Beach

4 May 2017 1:00 pm

‘Just wait till your biological parent’s live-in surrogate’s transgender ex-partner gets home.’

Parents Lamb

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘Nothing else for me, thanks — my phone memory’s completely full.’

Menu Numan

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘It’s the Conservative election battle bus.’

Bus

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘Don’t go! I promise I can change!’

Promise

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘“Brought to you using non-fossil fuels” — the bastards are virtue-signalling us.’

Desert

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

Kitchen Cluff

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘All our priests are busy at the moment but your confession is important to us…’

Confession Dredge

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘I packed the kids off to boot camp.’

Sent

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘It’s easier to manage and stops me being dragged about everywhere.’

Hair

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘He’s old school.’

Fish

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘I’m afraid you’ve got a progressive disease…’

Doctor

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘Not so much a “Don’t Know”, more a “Couldn’t Care Less”.’

Vote

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘It’s not you or me. It’s them!’

Live

27 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘That bleedin’ dog comes near me I won’t be responsible for my actions.’

Sheep

20 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘I’m just sharing my chocolates.’

Chocolate Grizelda

20 April 2017 1:00 pm

People watching

Nest

20 April 2017 1:00 pm

‘If we don’t agree with the result can we have another election?’

Election Thompson

20 April 2017 1:00 pm