manners
Dear Mary: How do I get my masseuse to stop talking?
Q. Our two daughters often bring friends down for the weekend. These friends are more than welcome; we enjoy their…
Dear Mary: How do I stop a dinner guest double-dipping?
Q. During lockdown I made good friends with a neighbour who I would never have met otherwise. This man lives…
Dear Mary: How do I get rid of my terrible cleaner?
Q. I have recently become a widow. Since my son is away at university, I had the idea of charging…
Dear Mary: How do we get our friends to pay for the carpet they ruined?
Q. We have had some rather rich Argentines to stay. No one was able to come in to help before…
Dear Mary: How do I stop my husband repeating himself?
Q. A very old friend has rented a holiday house and invited my husband and me to stay. The property…
Dear Mary: What is the etiquette of greeting a friend who is engaged in a ceremonial display?
Q. Passing Buckingham Palace in a taxi the other day, I saw the ceremonial wing of the Household Division prancing…
Dear Mary: How can I stop friends asking to stay in my holiday cottage?
Q. My beloved wife has been studying Chinese metaphysics for 18 months. Our house and garden have been badly neglected…
Dear Mary: How do I get my neighbours to tidy their front gardens?
Q. I live in a row of town houses with a communal strip of garden in front. Three of the…
Dear Mary: When is it acceptable to make a French exit?
Q. The other night, while hosting a house party, I was one of only three people still chatting by the…
Dear Mary: Has lockdown de-civilised my husband?
Q. Last night I went to dinner with people I had never met before. Because the host was a friend…
Dear Mary: How can we avoid getting stuck with a useless cleaner?
Your problems solved
Dear Mary: How do we tell our friend that her hairstyle doesn’t suit her?
Q. At a lunch party, I was getting on so well with someone I had not met before. She knew…
In our narcissistic age, nothing beats good manners
Why rudeness doesn’t pay
Dear Mary: should we exclude our friend for not having had his Covid vaccine?
Q. Once restrictions are lifted, our annual walking group has planned a week’s walk with after-walk gatherings in a different…
Dear Mary: What is the etiquette around gifts for virtual weddings?
Q. We have been invited to a virtual wedding. Is it correct form to send a present?— P.F., Barrow Street,…
Dear Mary: How do I tell my fiancee that she eats with her mouth open?
Q. I’ve recently been approached by a very good friend who — with genuinely admirable candour and tact — pointed…
Dear Mary: How do I cope with colleagues’ bad habits now I’m back in the office?
Q. I am placed in a social dilemma due to a proposed visit on the last weekend of June by…
Dear Mary: How can I stop my sister-in-law pinching food off my plate?
Q. Since the relaxation of lockdown, my brother and his wife have started coming to our garden for takeaway meals.…
Dear Mary: What’s the etiquette of loo-flushing for overnight guests?
Q. My husband and I have started receiving invitations to large summer events scheduled for after 21 June. We have…
Dear Mary: How do I reject a wedding invitation without causing offence?
Q. I have just been invited to a wedding where the groom will be the only person I know. Much…
Dear Mary: How do we stop chatty workmen from disturbing us?
Q. I have been working (from home) for a TV comedy production company for a year. My job is scouting…
Dear Mary: How can I prioritise ‘first division’ friends after lockdown?
Q. Before Covid, I was staying with friends in the country every other weekend. As a single man living in…
Dear Mary: What should my wife and I do with the risque photos we took in our youth?
Q. I hesitate to bring you this problem, but I suspect it is not that uncommon. Early in our very…
Dear Mary: How do I tell my neighbour she’s let herself go in lockdown?
Q. Recently an old acquaintance, notorious for never penning a ‘thank you’ note, emailed me telling me he was being…
Dear Mary: Why is my 87-year-old mother emailing me risque jokes?
Q. My mother, aged 87, has taken to forwarding me by email slightly risqué jokes. Her carer is the recipient…
