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Vodka, kaolin and morphine: my welcome drinks at The Spectator offices
In 2001, aged 44, I was hired to write a weekly column for this august paper, and for the first…
We don’t have lockdown in Surrey
The man was unloading cycles from the boot of his car just as I was about to take the turning…
Would my success in growing cannabis plants translate to nasturtiums?
In a cave once used as a stable and now abandoned, I found a wooden crate containing a dozen tiny…
The joy of pumping iron at 83
Gstaad So the days — and months — drift by. This once peaceful Alpine town is packed with rich refugees…
Why I joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses
The toad who lives at the bottom of the garden in the pile of bricks beneath the potting table was…
This pandemic is showing us for who we really are
The spaniel curled up in her basket with one of my shoes, one of his socks and a packet of…
Had the entire village population been wiped out since last week?
With my signed and dated laissez-passer in my pocket, I trotted down to the village to see if I could…
Covid-19 shows us that virtue trumps freedom
Look at it this way: we’re all doing Desert Island Discs nowadays, and unless you’ve got the bug, it’s a…
How tennis went socialist
Desperately boring times but very healthy ones. No parties, no girls, not too much boozing, lots of smoking and reading…
If I don’t like being fat, I should be allowed to say so
The game was up when I put on a pair of size 14 jodhpurs at the country store and they…
Britain has its first punk-rock government
The most surprising thing about the letter from Guardian and Observer journalists moaning about Suzanne Moore’s supposed ‘transphobia’ is that…
America has turned into a bad joke
Gstaad Rumours about the virus are flying around this village. First there was talk of a hotel being temporarily…
The joy of Xanax
The greater the enervation, it is said, the greater the appreciation of a work of art. There was no place…
A guide to coronavirus hoarding
We have now got past the absurd stage of glaring in a reproachful manner at Chinese people on the tube.…
In defence of Priti Patel
We will rue the day we all decided bullying was a bad thing. The consequence is that the inept, the…
Why Spectator readers are the nicest people
Gstaad It feels like a sepia-tinged melodrama, one directed by the great schlock master Sam Wood. Driving along the winding…
The film that shaped my vision of the world
Joyce Marriott of Pyrton, Oxford, has written a letter to the Times on the subject of how a person’s imagination…
Is it possible to have a touch of coronavirus?
Nice of the NHS to send an advisory text about coronavirus, because I was wondering. Is it possible to have…
The blindness of cultural Marxism
Words we are not allowed to use any more now include ‘cultural Marxism’. Suella Braverman, now the Attorney General, used…
Why Bloomberg will be president
Gstaad I was not aware that there is a group of Spectatorfans who meet in French-speaking Switzerland. They contacted me…
How to sample your own urine
Seven round the table for dinner. Wild mushroom risotto. I was told to sit next to Michael. Good. Michael makes…
As long as jokes remain legal I’ll keep on making them
Mr Benn has been in touch because he wants a right of reply to an article I wrote about my…
The last working-class people in the Labour party
A couple of people in the Hornsey and Wood Green Labour party have come up with a fascinating suggestion —…
The appeal of ugly men
Gstaad Lenin Moreno is in trouble, despite his very unchristian first name. For any of you unfamiliar with the name,…
How I found salvation in a church in Torquay
Last Tuesday a Mistral wind blowing across the Bay of Angels jerked the plane all over the shop as it…
