Q. I spent a week in a house party abroad, with an elderly and extremely polite friend of mine and his wife among my fellow guests. Our hostess really pulled out the stops for us — I have never been so well looked after in my life. While I was exchanging emails with her after the holiday, it emerged that she had not received a thank-you letter from our mutual friend, which was very odd as he is punctilious and always writes very good B&Bs at once. Three weeks later I was at a party with the couple in question and I revealed that our hostess was hurt that she had not received any communication from him about our holiday. He was appalled and said that he had written to her at once. This evening, when I rang him, he had just been on the telephone to our hostess about another matter, but had felt too awkward to say that he knew she thought he had been very rude in not having written to her. What can he do to let her know in a subtle way that he did write, and indeed took a great deal of trouble with his thank-you letter, which must have been lost in the post?
— E.S., Sussex

A. He should now telephone saying something like, ‘I wonder, did I mention in my letter thanking you for our wonderful holiday that we would like you to join us for lunch on the l6th?’ She will be forced either to say thanks for the letter which has just arrived but no, he didn’t mention lunch on the l6th, or she will have to admit that no letter has been received. At this point your friend can not only clear his name — he can also gratify his interlocutor with a lengthy telephonic analysis of just why the holiday she gave him was so exceptionally enjoyable. To this end he should jot some notes down before ringing.

Q. Since there is an excellent pizza restaurant directly opposite my art gallery, I regularly celebrate the opening night of a show by inviting up to 50 people to dinner in the private room there. It is always very jolly except for the tense moment when the pizzas start arriving. By then, my guests are engaged in exciting conversations with their neighbours, and they tend to ignore the hovering and frustrated waiters, who are carrying four plates at a time and trying to make themselves heard, shouting ‘Margherita? Four Seasons?’ etc above the hubbub. Inevitably it falls upon me to intervene, interrupting all the conversations by turn. Is there a more elegant solution?
— G.F., London W1

A. Ask the waiters to take guests’ names as well as their orders. Most people are hyper-responsive to mentions of their own names, certainly more so than to names of pizza types. Thus when a waiter shouts, for example, ‘Anthony Turner?’ instead of ‘Margherita?’ he should see a much more satisfying speed of reaction.