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Real life

A tip for future invaders of Britain – start after 3pm

But don't, whatever you do, try to order a sandwich

5 July 2014

9:00 AM

5 July 2014

9:00 AM

If we had to fight a war on the home front I’m fairly sure we would be stuffed. I base this claim on what happens if you try to buy a sandwich at ten past three in Surrey.

You walk into a small shop in a nice village. You select a sandwich from the chiller cabinet — egg mayonnaise — and put it down on the counter along with a Diet Coke.

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