Just picture it. Joe Hockey is delivering his second Budget. Everyone is crying for his blood and if it goes badly, he’s out they whisper. And then he says it: ‘And $100 million to implement our compulsory contraception programme for welfare recipients. We cannot have dole-bludgers having babies.’

For the next two weeks, ABC24 and Sky play idiot, fascist-sounding ministers on a loop muttering of ‘diaphragms’ and ‘vaginal rings’.