I have signed an affidavit for a hearing in the High Court stating that Janan Harb was, to my knowledge, married to Fahd of Saudi Arabia, who later became king of that ghastly country until he ate himself to death. His son Abdul Aziz, a fat playboy who drifts around the world with an entourage of 150 bootlickers, is challenging Janan’s claims, which, in the immortal words of Mandy Rice-Davies, ‘he would, wouldn’t he?’ Saudi camel-drivers-turned-self-proclaimed royals do not like to pay for the mess they leave behind their ample posteriors, and they definitely do not like to pay for their women. (I’ve often wondered if they really think women stay with them for their looks.) This Abdul Aziz is trying to do down a decent lady who swears that she was secretly married to his old man by claiming state immunity from the British legal system. Janan Harb is a British citizen who managed to avoid ending up in a Saudi harem, a harem being just another name for enslaved women. Yet when Fahd died, Prince Charles was among the first to genuflect in front of those uppity camel-drivers. As were Obama and most European leaders.

What is it with us? Are we so cowardly that we cannot call a spade a spade? That’s why my hero of the week is my friend Julian Seymour, who correctly remonstrated with a ludicrous PR woman who had dragged two Qataris to the late Duke of Marlborough’s memorial service. Let’s read the riot act to these kleptocrats who are using the trillions that belong to their people to buy us out of everything we once owned and cherished.

But it’s much worse than you think. Forget the enslavement of women. Forget the rape by a member of the entourage of the Saudi family. Forget the torture and imprisonment of anyone who disagrees with them. Forget that it was the desert satrapy of Qatar that bribed Fifa to gain the World Cup. Forget the depravity of the Saud clan. Forget about the atrocity of bombing innocent people in Yemen — but do not forget that it is the Saudis and the Qataris who did and most likely continue to finance terror against the West.

Here’s how it stacks up: Turkey, the Saudis, the Gulf satraps and the Israelis are helping jihadis to defeat the Syrian army. We in the West, blind as always and trembling in our boots lest we are targeted by the Israeli lobby, do not dare to change course and back Bashar al-Assad, the only man who protected Christians and other minorities in the once beautiful country of Syria. Turkey has 3,000 tanks, 1,000 aircraft and an army of 500,000 men only 60 miles from Raqqa, the so-called capital of Isis, yet she won’t move an inch to help. (Only to attack the Kurds.) Israel, the only major superpower of the region, is helping other anti-Assad rebels viewing them as anti-Iran. Uncle Sam, as usual, is terrified of the Likud propaganda machine that paints anyone in Washington not playing the Netanyahu game as a vicious anti-Semite.

Over here, some of our ‘banlieues’ have turned into mirror images of African homelands, with more than 20 million Muslims inside the EU. Forty per cent of these Muslims in the UK alone would welcome Sharia law (i.e., stoning adulterers to death, chopping off limbs for stealing, and covering up women). And what are we doing about it? Easy. We are worried over the ‘relentless hostility towards Islam’.

Back in the Land of the Brainwashed and Home of the Depraved, the Associated Press has dropped the term ‘illegal immigrant’. America and Britain both lead in the suppression of free speech, and anyone who questions immigration is apt to be called a bigot and a racist. Since the Afghan war of the 1980s, Moscow has accused the US of encouraging Islamic militants to fight Russia. We now know Russia was right, and that arms given to the Afghans by Uncle Sam were turned against Nato 20 years later. Even Hollywood got the message and made movies about it. But no one in Washington seems to get it. We’re now backing Ukraine, and that made-up country is importing Chechens to fight Russian separatists with calls of ‘Allahu Akbar’. Ditto in Bosnia, where Muslim militants are now seen as defenders against the Serb menace.

Don’t just take Taki’s word for it. There is full-scale war in Yemen with the Saudi air force killing hundreds of innocents. But they are incapable of dislodging the Houthis from Sana, the capital. The Saudis couldn’t defeat Monaco in a war, yet they keep buying our arms, hotels, resorts, racehorses and country houses, and paying for the schools that brainwash the young against our values. Instead of warning them that we’ll overthrow their kleptocracy if one more word is taught against us, we coddle them and allow them to corrupt our institutions.

This brings me back to Janan Harb and the court case. I am anxious to see how our justice system treats a British national, a woman, facing a Saudi who has so far managed to avoid appearing in any Western court. Will the High Court throw the book at him and force him to pay? We will soon know as Abdul will most likely hide behind his immunity and not show up. I’d assign her £50 million at least, plus the couple of houses that the old man had promised. It’s about time the Saudi gang paid up.