Forget the old “Is it butter or margarine? I just can’t tell!” We’ve got a new test for you. Is it the ABC or ACA? Frontline, even. Believe it or not, you’re going to find it tricky.

Behold. Look what $1 billion a year and more of your money can buy in the way of quality, independent news and current affairs:

Don’t just look at the picture. Read on. Read their wisdom. Read their wisdom — and weep at what Michelle Guthrie and rest of the workers collective squander squillions on:

Finding a decent moisturiser should be a simple task.

But step into the skin care section of any chemist, supermarket or department store and you can see that skin care is a complicated and lucrative business.

There are creams, lotions and serums that come in all shapes and sizes, and prices.

It’s confusing, expensive, and makes you wonder: do any of these products really help?

Sun exposure, hot showers, dry soaps and chronic skin conditions can all dry out your skin.

While sun protection remains the most important way to look after your skin, there’s a few things to know about how to retain its moisture — and keep it healthy…

Yes. It’s an insult to the intelligence. And you know the way we normally talk about adding insult to injury? In this case, we have to add injury to insult.

This story hurts enough, but do you know what really hurts more?

The absolute certainty that somewhere in the bowels of the ABC is a production unit of hirsute lesbian feminist separatists all with PhDs on why skyscrapers are metaphors for rape and how we should all live in holes in the nurturing earth who are spending millions on an eight-party series where they all interview themselves and their friends (after payment of generous appearance fees) on why moisturiser is one of the worst weapons of the oppressive capitalist patriarchy.

Illustration: ABC publicity.

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