It’s Sunday, so it must be Biarritz! Prime Minister Scott Morrison could be forgiven for losing his bearings over the last week, flitting from the climate insanity of the Pacific Islands Forum, to his ground-breaking visit to Vietnam, to the Macron-madness of the G7. Apart from foolishly handing over a lazy half billion to the freeloaders of the South Pacific and equally foolishly joining in the attack on radio host Alan Jones, Mr Morrison barely put a foot wrong.

The Vietnam trip, which was an important and significant one for an Australian prime minister to finally make, was overshadowed and bookended by two classic examples of how the cult of climate change has twisted and warped today’s politics. The entire South Pacific Forum was predicated on foundations even less stable than the shifting sands of Tuvalu; namely, that Australia’s reliance on coal (but not, note, China’s or India’s) poses a direct existential threat to the low-lying nations of the South Pacific. This is patent nonsense, and had Mr Morrison bothered to do his homework (or picked up a copy of The Speccie) he would have been able to reassure his hosts that satellite data and the University of Auckland have determined that the islands are growing in size, not shrinking. And certainly not sinking.

It is hoped that when setting off on his next trip to our South Pacific neighbours, along with packing the floral shirts and boardies, the prime minister takes with him something resembling a spine for further discussions on ‘the climate emergency’. With even our government’s own Chief Scientist admitting that nothing Australia could ever do would make any discernible difference to the warming or otherwise of planet Earth, it is increasingly intolerable for Aussie taxpayers to be handing over their hard-earned dollars on the twin fraudulent premises that we are doing so a) out of some perverse post-colonial guilt trip and b) in order to rescue these islands from imminent extinction.

In Biarritz Scott Morrison appeared to be one of the most normal of the world leaders, despite being caught in a ‘gotcha’ photograph standing forlornly by himself staring awkwardly at his mobile phone. Mr Morrison is now clearly striking up a healthy and friendly relationship with US President Donald Trump of the sort that could not have even been contemplated by his vain, hopeless predecessor. This can only be good for Australia, and to his credit Mr Morrison appeared to side with the US President in his trade war with China in a manner that would hitherto have been unimaginable. Again, being forthright and firm with China, by clearly backing Western values and concerns, is – despite no doubt the mutterings of the left-leaning Canberra bureaucrats – the only genuine way to have a long-lasting and safe relationship with the Celestial Kingdom.

But, yet again, whatever sensible work the G7 could have got on with was largely lost because of the hysteria over climate change. That Boris Johnson has gone ‘full luvvy’ on global warming is of serious concern, particularly when it comes to the likely trade deal with Australia that he and Mr Morrison are discussing. (The ghastly EU, which Mr Johnson is supposedly trying to leave, puts the Paris Agreement and ‘climate action’ at the centre of their trade deals. Let’s hope, post-Brexit, Britain is not likewise stupid enough to do so. Indeed, one of the reasons it is to be hoped that Nigel Farage and his Brexit party end up somehow in coalition with the Tories is that it would hopefully put the brakes on any climate change madness.)

Still, the rapport between BoJo and ScoMo, as between The Donald and ScoMo, is commendable.

Indeed, particularly when surrounded by the toe-curling ‘wokeness’ of leaders like Emmanuel Macron and the unctuous Justin Trudeau, Scott Morrison increasingly appears to be, in contrast to his predecessor, a credible leader on the international stage. With or without his mobile phone.

Knapplan

Even but the entire plannet is like in a climate emurgincy and stuff and we’re all gonna die in about 12 years but maybe 13 or maybe… wot comes after 13 is it 19 or 15?… wots the point of learning all this righting and words because even if we adid them all up you don’t ned to cause we’re allready passed the typing point and anyway im realy stressed rite now about my gender identity and my whore moan blokkers which my teacher zir says is the most important thing i need to focus my ability on now and not wory about depressing miselph over this Knapplan, OK?