It’s fair to say that things are pretty awkward at the top of the ALP right now. Jim Chalmers is making it clear that should his colleagues demand he step forward to lead the party, step forward he will. And Bill Shorten’s dream of Comeback Kid status to rival any of Bill Clinton’s miracle stories is very much alive.

Enter Chairman Dan.

With much of Melbourne now resembling a plague pit, the Chairman has locked down a string of suburbs across Danandrewstan’s capital.

They include the 3032 postcode area; Ascot Vale, High Point City, Maribyrnong — and Travancore, the elegant inner north-western pocket suburb once home to Arthur Calwell that Shorten bought into after last year’s election.

According to the Chairman, residents “can only leave their homes to go to work, study, for food or supplies and for exercise”.

In the Labor lexicon, a leadership spill is probably classed as “exercise”, but with Bill technically locked down Albo can probably relax a little — or could, if it wasn’t for the slight matter of the Eden-Monaro by-election this weekend.

If Labor fails to win a solid swing on Saturday, Albo will be better off as a bat in a Wuhan wet market.

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