“There’s no such thing as cancel culture,” scream wide-eyed mad witches atop their broomsticks while simultaneously insisting that all middle-aged white men are obliterated from the planet.  

“Look at the men in the meme, witches,” the activist lunatics posted alongside an image featuring Alan Jones, Andrew Bolt, Rupert Murdoch, Mark Zuckerberg, Scott Morrison and Donald Trump. “Every face. Every expression. Every prick-faced c**tish sh*tlord in a suit. Every hateful f**king one of them.” 

How eloquent.  

Their problem today is #StatusBRO men who are, apparently, risking lives to the hands of COVID-19.  

And they’re not happy about “anti-mask stupidity”.  

Why?  

Because their hero is Comrade Dan Andrews, complete with compulsory North Face jacket and mask.  

“We find it hard to post on these matters, witches,” they claim while posting about nothing but “these matters” on as many platforms as they possibly can, as frequently as possible. “We find it hard to stand up for Daniel Andrews and his team (and other Premiers) and for the benefits of wearing masks and obeying the lockdowns. Because every time we do, we’re accused of being ‘white feminists’ and ‘carcerel feminists’ (look it up if you don’t know what that is) because we try to balance saving lives with understanding that none of our leaders are perfect.” 

Also in their sights is Deliveroo. Yes, the delivery service appears to have irked them as much as Murdoch, which is quite the feat.  

“What a bunch of f**ing pricks,” they ranted of Deliveroo. “How DARE they advertise in this #NewsCorpse rag, which is openly telling people to take actions which could kill them, or others. HOW F***ING DARE THEY… Tell them their support of hate and lies and utter f***ing bulls*t will kill people, and ask them if they want to be associated with that. Do it now, or tomorrow. And – of course – boycott. While they do this, Deliveroo are scum.”  

Who wants to summon the wild, whizzing broomsticks for a quick briefing and break the news that William Shu is the co-founder and CEO of Deliveroo – and that might not quite fit with their directive to “do something today that would make a powerful white man angry”? 

Sorry to break it to shu, witches. 

Illustration: Mad Fucking Witches/Twitter.

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