Hello. Are you an idiot? Would you like me to treat you like an idiot? Are you under 10? Would you like me to treat you as if you’re under 10? Sit down and let me lecture you — nowhere too soft or too hard, mind you. Is it ergonomic? Health and safety certified? Fairtrade? Now, sit up straight and let me patronise you…

That’s effectively the message Queenslanders woke up to this morning, a nauseating pat on the head in The Sunday Mail from the state’s chief health officer, Jeannette Young.