Praise be to our benevolent Big Tech Overlords

11 January 2021

4:11 AM

11 January 2021

4:11 AM

It is done. The Dark Lord has been vanquished. His threatening aura has been purged from Twitter, along with many of his foul minions. Jack Dorsey knows that in order to keep…well, order, we must rid our society of undesirables. Remove them, like stinking rats from the bowels of our social media vessels. Exterminate their toxic opinions from our decent and sacred dwellings. Eradicate their heinous viewpoints from our virtuous temples. We have no time for Nazi-loving fascists in a free and equal world.

Donald Trump’s army of MAGA drones launched an attack on the Capitol on Wednesday. An attack which left the world reeling from several hours of moderate destruction and petty theft, along with the thousands of problematic memes they caused in their wake. The predictable comparison to BLM’s several months of peaceful riots and benevolent lootings last summer by the right-wing press could not be more of an insult. Did the BLM protests cause deaths? Well, yes several…but they were most probably justified because as MLK once said (must check this before submitting) you can’t make an omelette (fair and just society) without breaking a few eggs (setting fire to riot cops), and my goodness how right he was.

What strikes me about the whole situation was that the MAGA rioters managed, with little difficulty, to gain access to the Capitol and were able to walk around freely with no consequence whatsoever (apart from a woman being shot and killed, some other people dying and a multitude of arrests and ongoing investigations). I mean, this is the absolute epitome of white privilege. If BLM’s nonviolent protesters had attempted to take the Capitol with their peaceful ‘KILL ALL COPS’ signs, I am 100 percent certain they would have been brutally slaughtered before they were so much as able to righteously coerce them into taking the knee as they did in Portland. And Florida. And New York. And Minneapolis. And Los Angeles. And Philadelphia. And North Carolina. And Kentucky. And Atlanta. The disparity between the way these two groups are treated by the police due to the color of their skin is heartbreakingly depressing to witness.

Yes. Trump’s fascists were practically invited into the Capitol and offered tea and cake. Yet all the BLM protesters were ‘allowed’ to achieve last summer was several months’ worth of looting, burning and vandalism, along with the acquisition of six entire city blocks for the duration of three weeks. White privilege is out of control. But thankfully, not on social media it isn’t.

Twitter and Facebook (Praise be to Them), and Google and Apple have joined forces, like Marvel’s Avengers, to bravely eliminate the bad guys in our midst. Standing strong against the power-hungry capitalistic oligarchs, they have pooled their technical capabilities to purge the digital world of any trace of authoritarian wrongthink. Facing down and destroying any potential alternatives to their platforms before they have the chance to gather strength. Parler (an evil nest of Nazi conspirators) has had its app pulled from the Google Play store. Because why would we need any alternatives? The only people who would even consider leaving Twitter or Facebook (Praise be to Them) are those who secretly harbor problematic thoughts.

Hopefully, our noble Big Tech Oligarchy will continue to wheedle out the undesirables and prevent them from infecting the rest of us with their unpleasantness. It’s reassuring how much power and control this handful of companies have over our everyday lives. It makes me feel safe, and I have every confidence that this situation could never backfire. The more control they have the better it is for us all. Blessings be forever upon our benevolent Silicon Giant Overlords. Long may they reign.

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

Show comments