Flat White

What’s wrong with a nice little bit of consensual kink?

14 February 2021

6:00 PM

14 February 2021

6:00 PM

Fifteen women have accused American singer and songwriter, Marilyn Manson of horrific sexual abuse. Manson has responded to the sexual abuse allegations via a post on Instagram insisting that “his art and life have always been magnets for controversy” and his relationships have been “entirely consensual”.   

Predictably the mainstream media have blamed Manson’s kink-lifestyle for his alleged actions. Kink-shaming is when you associate a person’s non-conventional sexual practices and fantasies with their bad behaviour. I have written about this topic previously for SpecOz and spoken about it on Channel 10.  

Kinky individuals lose their jobs, lose custody of their kids and have their names blemished irreparably for their sexual predilections. They’re labelled rapists and paedophiles because of their connections to the BDSM community. Funnily enough, the journalists who vilify these individuals for their kinks are the same journalists who write articles championing the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise. 

The kink community is highly stigmatised but is it any wonder when we’re inundated with drivel written by the conventional and uninitiated. So many errors, assumptions and misinformation has circulated since these allegations broke. I’ve listed a few of them below. 


Evan Rachel Wood says: “Once I was restrained, he beat me and shocked sensitive parts of my body with a torture device called a violet wand.”

The Violet Wand is not a torture device, it’s an electro-stim sex toy that lightly zaps. I use my Violet Wand to bring on faster orgasms. It causes no pain whatsoever. Calling it a torture device is not only farfetched but it damages the brand and shames those of us who are into erotic-electrostimulation. 

Marilyn Manson’s 1998 autobiography The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell is unsurprisingly under the microscope and the story of a deaf female groupie being covered in meat, participating in group sex with the band and being urinated on in the shower has stunned female journalists across the globe. The story has been described as “sickening” and “disturbing”.   

What’s sickening and disturbing about it? Seriously, have these journos been living under a rock? Deaf women can consent to kinky sex too.  And haven’t they ever heard of group sex or golden showers or food-play?  Just because these kinks aren’t your sexual predilections doesn’t mean other people haven’t got the right to explore and enjoy them. When you write articles that imply certain kinks and fetishes are abnormal.  You’re invalidating people’s sex lives which can cause depression and lead to suicide. 

Manson’s autobiography was published over twenty years ago and nobody cared. Undoubtedly now — every lyric, every tweet and every word that has ever left his mouth will be analysed and critiqued by the puritans. 

I couldn’t give a shit about Manson or his music and as a survivor of rape and childhood sexual abuse myself, I applaud these women’s courage to speak out.   

But before you judge a person’s sex life because it isn’t mainstream or vanilla, do yourself a favour and learn about sexual diversity. 

Vanessa de Largie is a Melbourne-based creative. You can learn more about her work on her website. 

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