First Hillsong won Australian Idol. Then, they won the Federal election. Last night they won Masterchef.
It was all too much for the godless hordes on Twitter, who were busy convincing themselves that the result of a cooking show proved they were being held, against their will, in a theocracy.
Last night’s Masterchef grand final was spoiled for many viewers by the realisation that surprise winner, the affable Justin Narayan, was a former Hillsong youth pastor.
“I can’t believe a Hillsong youth pastor won Masterchef! What the F#^k,” said a typical Tweet.
“I just found out Justin is a pastor at Hillsong and now my night is ruined. I just wish so bad he wasn’t a Hillsong pastor,” cried another hysterical viewer.
So many people Tweeted similar sentiments (by which I mean hate) that Hillsong, rather than Masterchef, began trending on social media.
You could have been forgiven for thinking people had been watching Pastorchef.
Social media was abuzz with conspiracy theories, suggesting that Pentecostals had used their mysterious powers to influence the show’s result.
And why not?
If you believe social media, it was Hillsong that caused Guy Sebastian to win Australian Idol in 2003 – even though Sebastian attended what was then Paradise Church in Adelaide.
And it was Hillsong that caused Scott Morrison to win the 2019 Federal election – even though Morrison attended Horizon Church in Sutherland.
It really is quite amazing how the same people who insist that Christians worship a “magic sky fairy” also believe those same Christians wield supernatural influence over everything from national elections to singing competitions and now cook-offs.
“Does anyone know if the judges or management of Masterchef are HiIIsongers?” tweeted one.
“Has Masterchef been infiltrated by Hillsong as has the Liberal Party?” tweeted another.
“I did wonder if he (Narayan) was Hillsong. It’s probably rigged. Like they rigged (Australian) Idol,” Tweeted a third person who forgot to mention that Hillsong were also responsible for coronavirus, global warming and bindis growing on your front lawn.
Oh yes. If you believe Twitter, there are Hillsong people lurking behind every tree, dominating every federal cabinet meeting and now, manipulating even the taste buds of Masterchef judges. They are busier than Kevin Rudd.
Many viewers were desperately concerned that Narayan would tithe to his church from the $250,000 prize money.
If he celebrated his victory by spending 10 per cent of his money on a wild night out, no one would care. But, as one viewer warned, “His winnings better not go to Hillsong.”
“So this p@#k is a Hillsonger? F#$k him! I hope it’s a poison chalice. The less this bloke makes out of this, the less the Hillsong cult get from tithes,” said another viewer, as others warned ominously that money given to the church would be used to promote homophobia.
Well, we wouldn’t want anyone promoting hate against others now, would we?
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