Flat White

Matt Kean: not as bad as Labor?

3 October 2021

4:45 PM

3 October 2021

4:45 PM

Attempting to pick the next premier of New South Wales is a bit like working through a packet of jellybeans.

We are getting down to the unloved flavours – the ones that taste a bit false and plastic with their offensively bright colours.

Somewhere, underneath the liquorice ones, sit the damaged and malformed lumps of sugar. This is the pool of premier candidates created by endless factional conflict and political inbreeding.

Modern politics selects against merit and in favour of shadowy power brokers. The result is a bunch of easily-led moral weaklings that bend over for the tyranny of National Cabinet.

Dig beyond these unappealing options and you’ll find one lonely green jellybean.


No one is quite sure what happened to it, but its cracked surface has given birth to all kinds of furry lifeforms. The bacterial infection on its surface has thickened and sprouted a carbon-neutral forest of grime. Everyone knows it shouldn’t be in the packet and yet no one’s tossed it out.

Matt Kean’s leadership credentials include perpetual sycophancy to the United Nations climate cult and an unstoppable compulsion to return New South Wales to the Dark Ages on the back of Chinese renewables.

His presence in the party is infecting other members with Globalist spores. The press doesn’t mind because the hideous sight makes for great ‘foodie’ Instagram photos which are translated into clicks and advertising dollars. Indeed, it’s possible a few of them are leaving the packet out in the sun to encourage the outbreak. If this keeps up, there won’t be a single political candidate left in the packet suitable for leadership.

New South Wales is faced with a problem.

The Liberal Party can pick Dominic Perrottet – a slightly sticky but edible jellybean – but only if they agree to eat the dare-level Matt Kean one as well.

The combination is likely to make us all sick.

That said, no one wants to try Labor’s sugar-free-Vegan-health PLUS insect-protein-bean treats either.

Alexandra Marshall is an independent writer. If you would like to support her work, shout her a coffee over at Ko-Fi.

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