According to news reports Vladimir Putin expected his invasion and conquest of Ukraine to be a ‘cakewalk’. This is originally an American expression and since 1886 (at least) has meant something that is easy to do, a task that is easily accomplished.

But where does this, rather odd, expression come from? It’s first recorded in 1863 as part of African-American speech (the study of which is called ‘ebonics’— a combination of  ‘ebony’ and ‘phonics’). A ‘cakewalk’ was originally a competition held at a dance in which the prize was a cake. The competition required the participants to perform the most graceful, dignified, intricate, or amusing walk, usually to music, with (as I said) a cake as the prize. To this the Oxford English Dictionary adds, ‘Apparently originating as an entertainment performed by black slaves on Southern plantations, the cakewalk perhaps developed as a parody of the formal promenade dances of white high society’. In other words, they were making fun of their white masters. Which they found easy to do (and most probably quite hilarious as well). So we can see how the word ‘cakewalk’ quickly came to mean a task that was easy to accomplish. And his failure to achieve his goal easily has shown Vladimir Putin that conquering a determined people is never going to be a ‘cakewalk’.

The earliest citation for the word ‘internet’ is from 1974. Originally it was an abbreviation of ‘internetworking’ – because that’s what it was: the interconnection, or shared communication, between local computer networks. Now, it appears that the word itself is being fractured as commentators talk about the ‘internet’ turning into the ‘splinternet’. This piece of word play is trying to capture the fragmentation of the global internet into a patchwork of local rules. It’s not quite here yet, but some commentators say that it’s coming closer. One of the triggers is the behaviour of the global bullies – Russia and China. That puts the tech giants under pressure not to provide internet services to such autocratic, dictatorial and aggressive nations on their own terms. A recent report in the Australian newspaper said that US tech giants are under pressure to respond to Russia’s violent and deadly invasion of Ukraine by changing how they operate. In the past they have responded to dictatorial governments by agreeing to their demands – just so they can have profitable connections in Russia and China. They are now under pressure to behave decently, ignore Russian attempts to control social media, and cut off access to their services for those official outlets that support the military madman in Moscow. As China behaves with ever more aggressive bullying the same pressure will be on Facebook, Twitter and the rest. And as global computer connections break up into different functions in different regions we will have (or so we are told) not an ‘internet’ but a ‘splinternet’.

It had to happen – this week I heard a well-educated, intelligent speaker use the word ‘irregardless’. In cultured tones he said clearly, ‘Irregardless of what others think…’. I shuddered within while trying to keep a polite expression on my face. It appears that this ugly word is now spreading like a fungal infection through the English language. It seems to be a blend of the words ‘irrespective’ and ‘regardless’. Those words do have related meanings: ‘irrespective’ can mean ‘in spite of opposition’ and ‘regardless’ can mean ‘in spite of everything’. Nevertheless, I fail to see why they have been conflated into one ugly, unnecessary word. ‘Irregardless’ is American in origin, and older than I would have guessed – the earliest citation being from 1912. Today it seems to be particularly common on the internet. I wish now I had stopped my friend in his tracks and screamed: ‘Speak English!’ at him  – ‘irregardless’ of the consequences.