Alright, hands up – who had #Monkeypox on their 2022 apocalypse ‘bingo!’ card?

In response to widespread hysteria sweeping social media, the World Health Organisation has declared an emergency and issued an edict banning citizens from all monkey shagging until a global vaccine roll-out can be organised via the ‘We Definitely Don’t Play With Your DNA Epidemic Preparedness Consortium of the Filthy Rich’.