Some simpering bishops are urging their clergy to make sure that carol services do not interfere with the ship of football. That leads to an obvious conclusion: Christmas is too important to be left to the Church of England.

The vulgarities of commercialisation are distressing, but survivable. Last year, one friend became fed up with his brats’ lust for presents and upbraided them: ‘If this goes on, you’ll be given nothing but bibles and prayer books.’