Twitter unplugged from the Woketopian matrix is firing on all cylinders, despite predictions the platform was doomed.

Bitter at not having the former owner’s ‘staywoke’ police protecting their special status, tantrum-throwing, blue-tick Twitterati, hit front-page news earlier this week with shouts of: ‘It’s no longer a “safe space.” So, I’m leaving!” and, “democracy is dead”.’

Ticked-off at Twitter’s new landlord for liberating the blue checkmark for the peasantry, elitists spouted ‘Twitter will die’ with Elon Musk at the helm.

What they really wanted you to hear was: ‘Twitter with die without us, self-important celebrities using it!’

The narcissistic, self-indulgent prophecy was about as dubious as most unBiblical end-of-days predictions...