In August 2020, the US Centers for Disease Control released new Covid testing guidelines, which called for increased vigilance in nursing homes and other hotbeds, while leaving hypochondriacs free to sodomize their noses to their hearts’ delight. The document sought to move away from mass testing for its own sake, which served the dual purpose of, first, generating panic-inducing headlines that could be used to justify lockdowns and drive cable TV ratings and, second, not doing a thing to protect the elderly.