Jeremy Clarke

Jeremy Clarke writes the The Spectator Low Life column.

My happiness has given way to a paralysing melancholy

23 October 2021 9:00 am

From our hypothetical drone-mounted camera let us look down into a secluded valley in the same series of valleys as…

Acorns and aliens: lunch with Vernon and the Ukrainians

16 October 2021 9:00 am

Catriona and I were late for lunch at Vernon’s because I couldn’t get out of bed. The four of them…

The downfall of the French middle class

9 October 2021 9:00 am

The chesty Corsican taxi driver was giving me his earnest appraisal of the way things were headed in France politically.…

Sally Rooney on steroids

2 October 2021 9:00 am

To lessen the side effects of chemotherapy I am prescribed a corticosteroid. I take a whopping dose around the treatment…

Why I’m touchy about being asked what I do for a living

25 September 2021 9:00 am

In former times I had acquaintances of long standing, or even friends, who never once asked what I did for…

I rather enjoy my chemotherapy sessions

18 September 2021 9:00 am

With a French health card everything is free for us cancer patients, even taxis to and from the hospital. ‘This…

A tale of refugees from ‘Brexit Britain’

11 September 2021 9:00 am

In the New Year I was introduced to a couple who had fled Britain impulsively on New Year’s Eve with…

Was I the picture of evil incarnate?

4 September 2021 9:00 am

Not long after Catriona and I first met, her husband painted my head and shoulders portrait in oils as I…

How I love England — despite the hellhole that is Gatwick airport

28 August 2021 9:00 am

At Gatwick airport, after an hour and 15 minutes in a snaking queue system apparently purposely designed to infect as…

A tale of many swimming pools

21 August 2021 9:00 am

My two grandsons are staying with us here in Provence for a week. Roman soldier Catriona flew from Marseille to…

From ferreter to animal-rights champion

14 August 2021 9:00 am

I was sitting quite still at the typewriter when a plump mouse emerged from under the fridge and crossed the…

The art of losing your hair

7 August 2021 9:00 am

Although fatigued to the point of catatonia, and sitting there like a 19th-century Fang funeral mask, I am glad to…

A date with destiny – and chemotherapy

31 July 2021 9:00 am

I was shown to a room divided into three cubicles, each with a reclining chair and bed table. In the…

A very annoying guide to the Somme battlefields

24 July 2021 9:00 am

We arranged to meet the second, more expensive, guide of our Somme battlefield visit at the Thiepval Memorial visitor centre…

Walking the Somme

17 July 2021 9:00 am

Where the 36th (Ulster) Division attacked at 7.30 a.m. on the first morning of the Battle of the Somme in…

Help! I’m restaurant-phobic

10 July 2021 9:00 am

Vernon fancies this new age elfin-faced French woman who owns and runs a restaurant. She’s hard-working, she’s a reader, and…

It’s the end of lockdown – and the village has gone wild

3 July 2021 9:00 am

The village square is a long and pedestrianised oblong shaded along its length by massive pollarded plane trees. It’s known…

Jason Ricci is my mentor, guru and anointed one

19 June 2021 9:00 am

A second week recovering in bed in this pleasant south-facing bedroom. If I sit up, my back resting against whitewashed…

The art of negotiating with French nurses

12 June 2021 9:00 am

‘Ça va, Monsieur Clarke?’ said a nurse when he noticed I was stirring. It was an effort to speak. ‘Thirsty,’…

The curse of surgical stockings

5 June 2021 9:00 am

The porter rolled me off the trolley and on to the bed, wished me a good day and departed. My…

A taste inquisition on Stink Street

29 May 2021 9:00 am

Walking up through the Stink Street medieval arch with a bag of shopping, I spotted Michael between the oleander branches…

The joy of ironing

22 May 2021 9:00 am

On the Saturday morning of the Ascension Day bank holiday, I swung down the stairs and ladder to the little…

The myriad signatures of a canine pissoir

15 May 2021 9:00 am

Sally (la Sal, the Salster) is part whippet, part Labrador and part dormouse. She is 16 years old, stone deaf,…

If all else fails, there’s always basket weaving

8 May 2021 9:00 am

The only thing left for me now is to embrace humility and take up basket weaving. In our dog and…

My clairvoyant GP

1 May 2021 9:00 am

‘Willie or bum?’ I said to Catriona on the motorway. Everything in my recent medical career has been introduced via…