If One Direction lost one more member, would they be quorate?
Where were you when you heard that Zayn Malik had left One Direction? No, me neither, but as my teenage…
The golden age of pop has been replaced by the golden age of pop obituaries
The golden age of pop music may be long gone, but the golden age of pop musicians’ obituaries is definitely…
Why you should never trust songwriting credits
Songwriting credits are, as we know, not always to be trusted. Since the dawn of music publishing, there has always…
Count Basie, Aretha Franklin, Elvis, Bob Dylan - all the greats ultimately owe their fame to the faceless ‘record men’
The crucial thing to remember about the music business is that it’s a business. If you happen to be creating…
James Blunt’s sense of entitlement is so palpable you could wear it as a hat
Only a fool would mess with James Blunt. As his Twitter followers know, he has a sharp wit, and, as…
His lyrics are hopeless, his covers are catastrophic, yet I still love Bryan Ferry
There were two new albums I wanted for Christmas — the Bryan Ferry and the Pink Floyd — and to…
Why we love hating the music we hate as much as we love loving the music we love
It’s all gone now, of course. Not just the magazines themselves, but the legendary bile of old-school rock criticism
The 10 best loo books of 2014: why we sing so much better in the shower and what became of Queen Victoria’s children’s milk teeth
Nancy Mitford would not call them ‘toilet books’, that’s for certain. Loo books? Lavatory books? One or two people I…
Is there anything a gospel choir can't cheer up?
‘I’m starting to think that all of the world’s major problems can be solved with either oyster sauce or backing…
Michael Frayn’s new book is the most highbrow TV sketch show ever
Enough of big ideas and grand designs. Instead, here are 30 unusually small ideas from the giant pulsating brain of…
Why everyone wants what Nora Ephron was having
I have come late to Nora Ephron — a little too late for her, anyway, as she died in 2012.…
Why Yes are still the funniest rock band in the world (although Radiohead are catching up)
My favourite comment about the Scottish referendum came from the eminent comedian and novelist David Baddiel. ‘What if Yes wins,…
The secret to a long and happy pop career? Don’t die
As everybody in the world except me seems to have seen Kate Bush’s live shows — against all apparent arithmetical…
A toast to beer, from Plato to Frank Zappa
‘He was a wise man who invented beer,’ said Plato, although I imagine he had changed his mind by the…
Interviews with the great, the good, the less great and the really quite bad
The TV chat show, if not actually dead, has been in intensive care for a while now, hooked up to…
My daughter wants to know why you haven't heard of the Jayhawks
One of the many delightful aspects of having children is that you can get them to do things you are…
The completely ludicrous – and sometimes believable – world of the First World War spook
There can’t have been this many books about the first world war since — just after the first world war.…
How do you like your pop: clean, dirty or downright soap-shy?
I am still listening to the new Coldplay album, and liking it more and more, and not just because everyone…
Has any band of the past 20 years been as consistently irritating as Coldplay?
It’s a long time, a very, very long time, since I bought a Coldplay album. Has any band of the…
Why is 'loo' slang? Because Simon Heffer says so!
Did Simon Heffer’s new book come out on St George’s Day? If not, it probably should have done. If we…
One man’s guilty pleasure is another’s palpable greatness
The film critic Anne Billson wrote a typically pugnacious piece recently about the phrase ‘guilty pleasures’, which has spread like…
Roger Mortimer writes again
After Dear Lupin and Dear Lumpy, here’s a slightly more prosaically titled collection of letters from Roger Mortimer, longtime racing…
Pop has become a conservative art form and an old man’s game
It is coming to something when relatively young pop stars die not of drugs or misadventure but, essentially, of old…
When posters told us our place
As a sign of the way things have changed, nothing could better this. Hester Vaizey, Cambridge history don and ‘publishing…
Addicted to Vole
Earworm: what a wonderful word. It describes, as nothing else quite can, the effect a really invasive melody can have…
