If the office is ‘too dangerous’, why is everyone jetting off on holiday?
The whole of Surrey and south-west London seem to have gone abroad on holiday so I’ve got my sanity back.…
You can’t sing in church but you can get a tattoo
From my seat in the greasy spoon café I looked out on a typical English row of shops on a…
You wait ages for an ambulance, then five come along at once
‘I need an ambulance!’ yelled the builder boyfriend into his mobile phone as the cyclist lay bleeding from a head…
The politics of hair dye
‘What are you going to put on my head to protect me?’ said the man outside the barber’s shop to…
Will Zooming replace real-life socialising?
‘Are you seriously telling me you would rather meet up on Zoom than in reality?’ I asked a friend as…
It’s time for lockdown lovers to accept that the fun is over
My friend turned up wearing a snorkelling mask, beneath which she had tied a bandana around her mouth. On her…
The abominable selfishness of the Surrey middle classes
‘Have you met the man who keeps his horses in this field?’ said one silver-haired lady to the other, as…
My organ donation opt-out hell
Opting out of organ donation was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. I don’t mean the…
There were horses loose in a Public Sex Environment
The two horses looked like they had never seen anything like it. They had wound up in a dark car…
Our first outing to the beach was ruined by angry two-metre-ites
We went on our first outing, to the beach at Littlehampton, but I’m not sure it was as stress-relieving as…
It’s hell when your whole neighbourhood is working from home
It’s hell when the whole neighbourhood is working from home
All I want to do is de-worm my horse
We arrived at the country store with only three minutes to closing time so our chances of scoring horse wormer…
What no one tells you about owning a horse
When people ask me what I did during lockdown, I would like to give an inspiring answer, apart from growing…
Lockdown is making a Lib Dem of me
If this lockdown doesn’t end soon we are all going to turn into hairy lefties. I have just cut the…
My toilet ultimatum to the builder boyfriend
The rain showers had a strange and wondrous effect. All the cyclists, joggers and dog walkers that were coming from…
I’m imposing a one-woman trade embargo on China
Without making any efforts in that direction, I now know all about a certain telecom firm’s future business plans. My…
We don’t have lockdown in Surrey
The man was unloading cycles from the boot of his car just as I was about to take the turning…
Why I joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses
The toad who lives at the bottom of the garden in the pile of bricks beneath the potting table was…
Could this pandemic be the death of veganism?
‘Do you want some of the private stuff from out the back?’ said the butcher to the builder boyfriend, leaning…
This pandemic is showing us for who we really are
The spaniel curled up in her basket with one of my shoes, one of his socks and a packet of…
How I fought the urge to panic-buy – and won
‘Get me Heygates on the phone! I need that order of pony nuts now, damn it!’ It was like a…
The badlands of rural Surrey
The most exciting place on earth I have ever been to is the village where I live. And I don’t…
If I don’t like being fat, I should be allowed to say so
The game was up when I put on a pair of size 14 jodhpurs at the country store and they…
How I fell out of love with the BBC
One of the many technological things I don’t understand is, how come I’m paying to watch television? I know why…
Spare me the ‘furbabies’ – the humanisation of pets has gone too far
Let animals be animals
