Professional villagers won’t rest until they have eliminated mud from the countryside
‘Don’t touch anything sharp. Don’t saw anything or drill anything or sand anything,’ said the builder boyfriend as he left…
From a solar-powered bin to HS2: the destruction of my childhood home
My mother is a classy lady. I have always known this, but it still affected me in a way I…
My life is like that new Netflix series Russian Doll – a series of recurring crises
Russian Doll is a brilliant new Netflix drama in which a woman relives the same night over and over again.…
Farmers get treated like terror suspects by the RSPCA
‘What do you mean, you have no ID?’ I asked the farmer, starting to feel dizzy with the mind-boggling convolution…
From Swarfega to cleanse and polish: my long path to perfect skin
‘Is it for your daughter?’ said the sales assistant as I pointed to an expensive skincare product. She had glided…
Why I could kiss Mark Zuckerberg
Since posting some of my research into the RSPCA on Facebook, I now better understand the way social networking works.…
The mystery of the raided horses
‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’ asked the lady as she sat beside me in the caravan. The…
I can’t believe I went online and found the most adorable lodger in Britain
‘I see you’ve got the posters up then?’ said the little lodger as she came home from work. She’s got…
My old horse was tough, ferocious and violent – and I loved her as much as she loved me
Under a blood moon, that was how Tara went down in the end. The old chestnut mare sure knew how…
Surrey’s Gore-tex-collar crime wave
The frustrating thing about rights is that when you give them to people they don’t cherish and appreciate them. They…
Despite me virtually sexting him, my blacksmith is ignoring me — just like all the others before him
Splitting the atom is nothing compared to figuring out how to get hold of your farrier. Why is the farrier…
The Kafkaesque nightmare of cancelling my BT broadband
Oh, I suppose I might as well give it a whirl, I thought, as the recorded voice began its dirge:…
A festive rapprochement with the ex-builder boyfriend
1 January. Rooms left in house to decorate: 1 (only the attic, therefore doesn’t count).Walls plastered by self with no…
How Ebenezer Grayling destroyed the Kite family Christmas
Ebenezer Grayling sat busy in his counting house. It was a cold, bleak day at the Department for Transport. Big…
My Christmas tree health-and-safety nightmare
Decorating a tree on the unfinished minstrels’ gallery was an appealing idea if only for the health and safety violations.…
I was right; the vet was wrong; and the scary sexy dentist sorted out the horses
The horse dentist is handsome, with blond windswept hair and a weather-beaten face. There is something Heathcliffian about him, something…
How to destroy a house from the ground up
Lying in bed one night as the rain pounded down, I became aware of a yellow patch forming on the…
Education, spiritual guidance and a good cappuccino: the new face of the NHS
Left at the Dementia Café, right at the Sleep Office, past the Spiritual Care Centre… This was my journey through…
The NHS is teaching me how to stand properly
If you are wondering, any more than usual, how your tax is being spent, you should know that I have…
My hundred-year-old-horse
‘This isn’t so bad,’ said my friend, as we knelt at my old mare’s side as she lay on the…
Bitless and scared witless: a dangerous new left-wing cult
Just when you thought there was nothing more for women of the left to nonsensically oppose, I bring you news…
‘I should just shut up’: Dominic West on #MeToo and the perils of talking politics
Lounging confidently on the sofa of a Soho hotel suite, Dominic West has been beaming at me, but now his…
Silicon Valley’s evil plan
After months of trying not to try the exciting new version of Gmail, the exciting new version of Gmail tried…
The law of acronyms
Teacher training is terrific fun. Oh yes, I am thoroughly enjoying myself on my evening course at Guildford College. Don’t…
I am a prisoner of Norton AntiVirus
Two and a half hours after my tech guy began trying to uninstall Norton, he had purple smoke coming out…
