I am high as a Kite on gloss paint (excuse the pun)
After I had been glossing the woodwork for a few days, I started to feel light-headed. It hadn’t occurred to…
Why won’t anyone live with me?
When I placed an advert for a lodger I really did expect potential tenants to want to come and see…
Root out ragwort!
A sea of bright yellow flowers in a sun- drenched meadow… what could be more idyllic? Sadly, all that glisters…
Welcome to customer services, Guantanamo Bay-style
The engineer from Beko arrived and got to work trying to mend the new fridge. Having spent a very long…
The only guarantee I have is that there is no guaranteeing my guarantee
Beko. I always want to sing that song by Peter Gabriel from the movie about the South African freedom fighter…
Stefano is a tonic, and I love him
Stefano came back to paint the front of the house. I have never been so pleased to see his red…
It was either new carpets – or happy dogs
Instead of carpeting the upstairs of the house, I had grass fragments removed from the dogs’ ears. I can’t say…
Is EE fantastic after all?
This was going to be about how a major phone company surprised me by delivering a fantastic service. I was…
Sex and MOTs
Opening a button of my shirt to get the horse lorry through its MOT is the sort of thing I…
Me and my gun
Finally, I got my hands on a gun. About the size of a sawn-off shotgun it was, just under 20in…
The hidden costs of dogging
Every day in every way we are paying for more and more. I realise this increasingly. Things we took for…
It’s war in my neighbourhood – and this time it’s gloves off
After sanding floorboards for two days I became even more demented than usual. The hand sander was the exact right…
Turmeric is the hero herb – an all-natural, vegan alternative to common sense
Dear customer, we are invading your privacy and sending you this unsolicited email in order to tell you that you…
Now I know how the Karate Kid felt
Now I know how the Karate Kid felt. Two hours after I began oiling the newly laid deck in my…
The poorer I get, the more capitalist I become
‘What a fabulous tan, where did you get it? said one of my fellow lunch guests as we entered the…
My name’s Melissa and my horse is a grassoholic
Laminitis is a lot like alcoholism. Once you cross the line you can’t go back. ‘My name’s Gracie and I’m…
The women who are turning horses into dogs
The first time I saw a woman leading a horse down the lane on a lead, both she and it…
Why suburban ladies really play tennis
Because my mother is always telling me everything will be all right if I join a tennis club, I’ve joined…
Save me from middle managers dressed up as Spiderman
‘You’ve got your essay on your back, then?’ said the stable yard owner as I headed out with Darcy on…
Do we really need an app for everything?
‘If this madness goes on, I will not be able to leave my house without downloading the app,’ I told…
‘See it, Say it, Sort it’ makes me want to self-harm
‘How could you forget to get on the train?’ asked the keeper. ‘I can understand how you forgot to get…
I have broken a mirror — only seven years bad luck to go!
The broken mirror lay in hundreds of shattered pieces on my bathroom floor, having fallen off the wall while I…
I’m being spied on in my bedroom by a drone
The sound of something hideous woke me in the dead of night, and I shot out of bed. I looked…
I’m mad as hell and not going to take it any more!
‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!’ I screamed through the window of the…
Save me from stupid women
We live in a cynical world. One cannot simply advertise something for sale and expect people to believe what one…
