Real life
Stefano and his boys got to work with gusto and within a few days the upstairs of my house started…
Real life
Stefano the Albanian turned up in a brand new Audi off-roader, cutting quite the dash. He looked older, with some…
Real life
My friendly neighbourhood Lib Dems have put some campaign literature through my door. In a covering note, they intimate that…
Real life
Darcy is high-maintenance, so I decided to leave her in the posh livery yard, with its luxuriant shavings beds and…
Real life
Easier by far to load up my horses and move them to the next village than try to fight the…
Real life
Like Steve McQueen gone slightly to seed, the builder boyfriend strode off into the sunset. Nothing becomes him so much…
Real life
‘This situation is Rorke’s Drift,’ said the builder boyfriend, after our proposed renovations were objected to at the parish council’s…
The grass may have been tasty but it landed me in A&E
Turns out you can’t eat grass. A horse does something clever to it in its mouth that humans can’t. Fine,…
What on earth was the girl from Taiwan doing in my bedroom?
After a tense two week stand-off, the Balham Airbnb Crisis has been resolved. My upstairs neighbour and I have drawn…
I am handmaiden to a foul-mouthed member of the royal family
Some people call their house Dun Roamin’ to sum up their state of mind. After ten weeks ministering to my…
Why menopausal women need guide dogs
Hello, Cydney spaniel here. She’s lying in a darkened room so I’m to tell you what happened. To cut a…
Welcome to the only house left in south-east England that hasn’t been chavved up
Buffy Sainte-Marie said it best. ‘The lights of town are at my back, my heart is full of stars./ And…
The gloves are off with the Brothers Turnthetapoff upstairs
The gloves are off in my battle with the two brothers who live in the flat upstairs. They have just…
The cottage of my dreams was proving a nightmare to buy
The cottage of my dreams (or possibly worst nightmares) proved rather difficult to purchase, not least because the agent selling…
I am the Basil Fawlty of Airbnb
I am becoming the Basil Fawlty of Airbnb. Almost everything that tormented Basil has tormented me since I started taking…
Why compulsory microchipping is bad for caring dog-owners
Compulsory microchipping of dogs will hurt caring pet owners – but help busybodies
Penury dictates that I find more lucrative work — but I can’t afford to
My adventures in penury land me with two job applications on my screen, one for MI6, one for Sainsbury’s. Do…
I knew my reasonably priced car insurance couldn’t last
After a year of affordable car insurance, I knew I had to be in for it when my premium came…
I am keeping the vet in work all on my own
If you are the sort of person who enjoys tinkering with a classic car prone to myriad mechanical problems then…
All I wanted was a washer for my tap and I ended up with a new bathroom
Diamonds are for ever. Plumbers take a lifetime. They never finish. No job is too big or small for them…
My horse's race career hangs by a tendon
‘Racing is 99.9 per cent disappointment,’ said the trainer philosophically, as I sat in the yard sipping coffee, waiting for…
Five little words that signify catastrophe
Darcy trod on a screw. Five little words which, if Darcy was anything other than a thoroughbred horse, might signify…
My tyre-fitter tried to recruit me as a jihadi bride
The last time I bought a set of tyres in south London I came away not quite knowing whether I…
Victorian south London plumbing is pure evil
My upstairs neighbours are terribly nice, but too naive to be allowed to renovate their flat in peace. The two…
There is affordable healthcare the other side of the Hindhead tunnel
After the £1,100 quote from the vet in London I drove down the A3 and out the other side of…
