Real life
The Albanian builders have started a turf war in my kitchen. The hostilities broke out suddenly. One minute the builders…
Real life
They are building the bonfire already. In the dip where winter flooding sometimes creates a small lake, the wood and…
Real life
How reassuringly like old times it is, going to a God-forsaken retail park with Stefano. We mooch about the DIY…
Real Life
Assuming someone had moved house before, and put a new boiler in their new house, while remaining a customer of…
Real life
BT have just put the phone down on me for asking them to stop sending me junk mail, which is…
Real life
Stefano and his boys got to work with gusto and within a few days the upstairs of my house started…
Real life
Stefano the Albanian turned up in a brand new Audi off-roader, cutting quite the dash. He looked older, with some…
Real life
My friendly neighbourhood Lib Dems have put some campaign literature through my door. In a covering note, they intimate that…
Real life
Darcy is high-maintenance, so I decided to leave her in the posh livery yard, with its luxuriant shavings beds and…
Real life
Easier by far to load up my horses and move them to the next village than try to fight the…
Real life
Like Steve McQueen gone slightly to seed, the builder boyfriend strode off into the sunset. Nothing becomes him so much…
Real life
‘This situation is Rorke’s Drift,’ said the builder boyfriend, after our proposed renovations were objected to at the parish council’s…
The grass may have been tasty but it landed me in A&E
Turns out you can’t eat grass. A horse does something clever to it in its mouth that humans can’t. Fine,…
What on earth was the girl from Taiwan doing in my bedroom?
After a tense two week stand-off, the Balham Airbnb Crisis has been resolved. My upstairs neighbour and I have drawn…
I am handmaiden to a foul-mouthed member of the royal family
Some people call their house Dun Roamin’ to sum up their state of mind. After ten weeks ministering to my…
Why menopausal women need guide dogs
Hello, Cydney spaniel here. She’s lying in a darkened room so I’m to tell you what happened. To cut a…
Welcome to the only house left in south-east England that hasn’t been chavved up
Buffy Sainte-Marie said it best. ‘The lights of town are at my back, my heart is full of stars./ And…
The gloves are off with the Brothers Turnthetapoff upstairs
The gloves are off in my battle with the two brothers who live in the flat upstairs. They have just…
The cottage of my dreams was proving a nightmare to buy
The cottage of my dreams (or possibly worst nightmares) proved rather difficult to purchase, not least because the agent selling…
I am the Basil Fawlty of Airbnb
I am becoming the Basil Fawlty of Airbnb. Almost everything that tormented Basil has tormented me since I started taking…
Why compulsory microchipping is bad for caring dog-owners
Compulsory microchipping of dogs will hurt caring pet owners – but help busybodies
Penury dictates that I find more lucrative work — but I can’t afford to
My adventures in penury land me with two job applications on my screen, one for MI6, one for Sainsbury’s. Do…
I knew my reasonably priced car insurance couldn’t last
After a year of affordable car insurance, I knew I had to be in for it when my premium came…
I am keeping the vet in work all on my own
If you are the sort of person who enjoys tinkering with a classic car prone to myriad mechanical problems then…
All I wanted was a washer for my tap and I ended up with a new bathroom
Diamonds are for ever. Plumbers take a lifetime. They never finish. No job is too big or small for them…
