Have my bones fallen to bits like the Oxford professor said they would?
‘Are you afraid of falling over?’ asked the bored young radiologist, as he started filling out the forms. I had…
Exciting news: I haven’t done a pregnancy test yet but we may be expecting
Exciting news. We might be expecting. I say might because I haven’t done a pregnancy test yet. I thought about…
Hell is dealing with police bureaucracy
‘Yes, you can report it, but it’s going to take ten minutes to go through the process,’ said the oppressively…
Am I moving to the Cotswolds? Don't measure the curtains yet
On the basis that I might need a new boiler soon, I thought I had better sell the London flat…
From ponies to Jeremy Corbyn: Balham’s startingly posh militant left
If anyone wants to know why the Labour party is about to elect Jeremy Corbyn as its leader then they…
My local hospital is ‘listening to its staff’ – but not, apparently, the patients
Surely it can be no coincidence that the road by which one enters St George’s Hospital, Tooting, is called Effort…
Just call me Miss Whiplash
The vet bill has been sitting on my desk for three weeks. All vet bills are cruel and unusual but…
Charities are the last bastion of corporate greed
Charities’ fundraising practices are out of control
I don’t do WhatsApp, and that’s final
‘No, I do not do WhatsApp.’ That’s pretty much all I ever seem to say to people nowadays. They ask…
Challenging parking tickets is my crack cocaine
‘Cydney, we are not moving to Cobham!’ I told the spaniel in my best outraged Margot Leadbetter voice. What a…
Watch your backs, everyone: I haven’t slept for three years
Insomnia has a lot to answer for. I have not been sleeping well for years but a few months ago…
The hunting ban could be gone soon – but the hypocrisy will linger on
With luck, the cruel, hypocritical ban could be gone by winter
The menopause lost my car keys
Here is what I thought happened. I thought that as I tided my store room at the stables I put…
House-hunting in Cobham has driven me to the verge of insanity
This much I know, I never want to live in an ‘executive home’, and neither do I want to live…
The question my mother made me ask André Rieu
André Rieu is a demigod among classical performing artists – and my mother loves him
Pampered middle-class pooches are in charge of their owners
Why won’t the middle classes shout at their dogs any more? My suspicion is that the bleeding heart liberals, having…
The police persecution of middle-class women
Aren’t the police getting younger nowadays — and ruder, and scruffier and more intolerant of middle-class women? In other words,…
The joy of anti-psychotic drugs
The doctor eyed me suspiciously as I walked into her consulting room. ‘Ye-es?’ she said, nervously, eyeing me up and…
Unutterably thrilling: Fleetwood Mac at the O2 reviewed
‘I can’t tell you what a thrill it is to get this chance in life,’ said Christine McVie, as the…
The great Sky bundle boondoggle
Foolishly, I have this wild notion that one day, if the stars align in my favour, I might be able…
In the future we will all speak a new language called Predictive Text
Andy the tech guy looked delighted when I told him I had done the stupidest thing ever. He is one…
My podgy thumbs will never be iPhone-compatible
You can’t always get what you want. And you can never get what you want if you want a phone…
My rich leftie neighbours must be in a state of psychotic denial — or stoned
The ‘I’m Voting For Chuka’ posters in my rich neighbours’ front windows pushed me over the edge. There is nothing…
I only left Emily unattended in the open for 60 seconds
In the seemingly endless search for somewhere nice to live in modern Britain, where parking is not subject to martial…
Welcome to Miliband country: how Labour would wreck rural life
A ‘progressive alliance’ would be a profound threat to rural life
