Beware your car’s onboard computer
After an incredible 13 emails, Vodafone decided that I was who I was claiming to be, and refunded my money.…
My Orwellian battle with Vodafone
After launching an investigation into my missing phone, Vodafone informed me it could not deal with me any further until…
The tyranny of the smart phone
‘Can I ask you why you don’t want a smart phone?’ said the chirpy manager, as I stood blinking in…
Surrey’s vegan wars
One of the village vegans gave the bacon sandwich resting on top of the recycling bin outside my house an…
Real life
Last night I dreamt I went on holiday again. It seemed to me I stood by the departure gate, and…
Am I being impersonated by an actor from Colorado or a mining company?
Someone else with my name is wreaking havoc with my attempts to control the Twitter account I don’t want. Obviously,…
Why I prefer to rely on natural immunity
‘Did you hear it?’ said a friend of mine, red-faced with the flush of a piece of news she couldn’t…
My battle of the bulb
The streetlighting engineer walked up and down outside my house trying to work out who was right: me, or my…
There is a new and deadly threat to the countryside
Surprise, surprise. The person who had the shield taken out of the street light so it shone back into my…
Is there such a thing as a human right to night?
The street lamp as bright as the Dog Star is back to its full glare outside my house. I won…
Just another mad night out at the local bad-food gastropub
We were enjoying our evening at the overpriced gastropub until a woman in a dark uniform appeared at our table.…
My pro-vaxxer friends are changing their tune
My pro-vaxxer friends have been a lot nicer to me since they started testing positive for Covid. I’m calling my…
Why I say no to apps
‘My phone says I can’t go out until Tuesday, so I can’t come and meet you,’ said my friend. And…
If a bloke can wear stockings and suspenders in a stable yard why can’t I?
We had gone to visit a friend at a stable yard on a country estate on a crisp autumn Sunday.…
My horse is allergic to beige carpet
The horse lorry arrived and lowered its ramp — and I stood in front of it knowing that my thoroughbred…
In defence of panic buying
The filling station on the road out of the village was like a scene from Mad Max. People were all…
In praise of bots
British Gas finally agreed to service my boiler, for no reason I could make out other than the boiler wasn’t…
Are the builder boyfriend and I falling apart?
After the landowner told us to be out in three weeks, then admitted we had three months to move our…
Our East Sussex house-hunting nightmare
The two-acre smallholding lived up to its name in being very, very small indeed. We had to squeeze around the…
Why I’m going to start speaking in acronyms
‘I’ve got COPD,’ said a friend of mine, not elaborating at all as I stared at him waiting for him…
You need to be a millionaire to move to Wales
We began searching for the farm of our dreams in Wales as we planned our escape from Surrey. The problem…
The end of an era: after 20 years we must move our horses off the farm
The letter arrived in a hand-addressed envelope, inside of which was a handwritten note. After everything we have been through,…
I’m not ill but I’m not as I was: how Covid takes its toll
If it’s true that the virus finds your weak spot, it has lodged itself like an evil monkey in my…
Why I’m thanking God, my immune system and garlic
‘Contact a GP if you’re worried about symptoms four weeks after having Covid.’ That was the NHS quote on the…
The lost dogs of Surrey
The woman pulled up in her flashy 4×4 which was meandering along the farm track in that way people have…
